What is Your Default Mode?

I love roller coasters. I love the anticipation of that big first drop. I love that feeling of being out of control. And I love the speed. Now I can love all those things because ultimately I trust the ride is safe. Even though it’s a tremendous thrill, I have confidence that I will make it through to the end of the ride.

My default mode or what I believe about roller coasters is: enjoy the ride because you’re going to make it out alive.

You and I also have a default mode for processing life. We have certain ways of responding to people, circumstances, difficulties, surprises, disappointments, etc. If we do nothing to change, we’ll most likely continue to respond the way we always have.

There’s a lot that goes into determining our default settings. Parents, friends, teachers and coaches had a part in setting them for us. So did the media we’ve been exposed to and the books we’ve read. Without consciously thinking about it–we’ve developed a default mode for how we process life and make our choices.

I’ve noticed something about my default mode that I really don’t like. When faced with bad news or even just the unknown, I worry, I fear the worst and I doubt God’s goodness. That’s my default mode. And it looks like it was the same mode the disciples struggled with.

Mark 4:35-41 says…

That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”

He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.

He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

They were terrified and asked each other, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!”

Some of these guys were experienced fishermen so they’d experienced bad weather before, but this must have been a really bad storm. There’s no record of anyone saying, “Hey guys, calm down! It’s not that bad. We can ride this out.”

This was a bad storm and they thought they were about to drown. Now what would have changed everything for them, what would have helped reset their default mode, was knowing that the one who was in complete control and who cared for them was asleep on a cushion at the back of the boat.

But they either doubted His power or His care because they wake Jesus up and ask Him a question we’ve probably all asked or at least wondered, “Don’t you care?”

It seems that our default mode, well, I won’t speak for you…it seems that my default mode is to question God’s goodness when circumstances are bad. I allow the severity of the situation to completely obscure the simple fact that God really does care for me.

Even when we don’t see Him doing anything, He is still good and He still cares. We will never escape His grasp. We will never be forgotten. We will never have to go it alone.

So Jesus got up and told the storm to be quiet and still. And it was.

What the disciples didn’t know was that their hearts and minds could have been quiet and still even in the midst of the furious storm. They didn’t have to wait for the storm to be quiet before they could be.

And that should really be my default mode when it comes to life. Sure, there will be tough times and painful circumstances and things I won’t understand, but because God is good and He cares and He’s in control, I can trust Him to see me safely through whatever ups and downs and twists and turns come my way.

Panic. Fear. Worry. Doubt. Discouragement. That’s my default mode. I wish I could say that resetting it is easy, but it’s not, at least it hasn’t been for me. Developing a new default mode requires ongoing effort and time in God’s word to believe the truth–that God is good, that God cares and God is in control.

What is your default mode for handling life?

Does it need to be reset?

The Biggest Troublemaker

Who is causing you the most trouble right now?

Is it your boss? Unreasonable deadlines? Micromanaging? Lack of encouragement?

Is it a friend or roommate who’s acting selfishly?

Is it a family member? A child who won’t listen? A spouse who doesn’t understand?

So who is it? Right now, who in your life is causing you the most trouble?

I don’t know who it is for you, but I’ll tell you who it is in my life. It’s me. There’s no one else in my life who even comes close to causing me the problems and trouble that I do.

If there’s tension in a relationship, it’s because I chose to act selfishly or respond poorly. If there’s stress, it’s because I procrastinated or over-committed. If there’s debt, it’s because I bought something I shouldn’t have. If I have a migraine, it’s because I’ve chosen to worry myself into one.

And what’s at the root of my problem-causing?

I don’t believe God. It’s that simple. Rather than trusting Him, I assume I’m going to have to take care of myself because He’s not going to come through. Or I believe I know what’s better for me. So I do what I want. What will give me pleasure. Or make me happy. Or comfortable.

Maybe you can relate. Think about it…

No one else puts unhealthy food in your mouth. No one else makes you look at pornography. No one else turns on the TV and compels you to watch it instead of exercising. No one else stands over you until you’ve put in an hour on Facebook instead of reading your Bible. No one else forces you to make credit card purchases you can’t really afford.

You get to choose. And so do I. No one else.

That means that we have tremendous power to help ourselves…or hurt ourselves. And what I find is that when I make choices that don’t line up with God’s way of doing life, I hurt myself. I get into trouble. I dig myself a hole.

And for me, it all comes down to whether or not I will believe Him. Will I trust that He knows what is best for me? That He has my best in mind? That when He gives a command that it’s meant to protect me and provide for me?

Our problems aren’t caused by a lack of money or someone else treating us poorly or bad weather or the policeman who pulls us over for speeding. Our biggest problems are caused by us.

Again, we get to choose. That means we can’t ever say things like, “She just makes me so angry!”

She can’t MAKE you do anything. You get to CHOOSE how you will respond to whatever she does. You can choose to trust God in the heat of the moment. You can trust God to defend you so you don’t have to defend yourself. You can choose to trust God so you don’t say things that will make the situation worse.

But we won’t trust God if we don’t know Him. And we won’t know Him unless we commit to spend time with Him.

And we won’t even commit to spend time with Him if we continue to insist that the problem is someone or something else.

God, Have You Forgotten Me?

Has that ever been your prayer? Or have you ever at least wondered?

You might be in the midst of a second round of chemo, like my friend Jeff.

Or like one young man I heard about today…in less than a year–your dad dies, your mom dies and then the day before you leave for boot camp–your girlfriend breaks up with you.

Or despite doing everything you know to do, your marriage continues to get worse. Or your child continues to rebel. Or your boss is still a jerk.

Or your finances keep getting worse. Just when it seems like you’re about to get ahead, you get hit with an unexpected bill.

God, have You forgotten me? Can You not see what I’m going through here?

Where are You, God? And why aren’t You helping?

When circumstances are bad and they don’t seem to be improving and God isn’t saying much…it’s easy to lose hope, to wonder where He is and what He’s up to. It’s easy to doubt His love for us. It’s easy to doubt if He’s even good.

I’ve been there. I’ve doubted. I’ve wondered. I’ve been angry. I’ve been discouraged.

And I’ve lost hope.

Have you? Are you there now?

I wonder if Noah could relate.

Noah was a righteous man living among a lot of evil. He was trying to do the right thing and honor God when those around him weren’t.

And God saw. He knew what was going on. Check out the story in Genesis 6.

So Noah does what God says and builds an ark. And God does what He says He’ll do and He sends a flood, which Noah, his wife, his three sons and their wives ride out in the ark. Along with a bunch of animals. Read that part of the story in Genesis 7-8.

The flood began “in the six hundredth year of Noah’s life, on the seventeenth day of the second month…” And in the coming days, every creature that lived on dry ground is completely wiped out except for Noah, his family and the animals on the ark.

And “the waters flooded the earth for a hundred and fifty days.”

It rained for forty days and nights, but the earth was totally flooded for five months before God sends a wind so that the waters will begin to recede.

I grew up near the ocean, but I can’t remember ever being so far out on a boat that I couldn’t see the shore. I’ve also never been on a cruise. Maybe you have. Maybe you’ve been out at sea and couldn’t see land.

Of course, a cruise ship and Noah’s ark couldn’t be more different. Noah’s boat was built to ensure the human race would survive a world-wide flood. It held a total of eight human beings, a whole bunch of animals and enough food to last until the flood was over. No staterooms. No dining rooms and endless buffets. No deck chairs. No casinos. No shore excursions.

Just Noah, his family and the animals. Alone on the earth. Surrounded by nothing but water. For five months. And we have no record of God communicating with them during that time. Nothing. Not one word.

The first word of chapter 8 is one of my absolute favorites in the Bible: But.

“But God remembered Noah and all the wild animals and the livestock that were with him in the ark, and he sent a wind over the earth, and the waters receded.”

A couple verses later, it says, “The water receded steadily from the earth.”

After five months, the waters are finally beginning to recede. And “the waters continued to recede until the tenth month, and on the first day of the tenth month the tops of the mountains became visible.”

Seven and a half months after the flood began, the tops of the mountains are now visible. Moses waits another forty days and sends out a raven and a dove. The raven kept flying back and forth. The dove looks for dry ground, but can’t find it so it returns to Noah. After a week passes, Noah sends the dove out again. This time the dove returns with a freshly plucked olive leaf in its beak, so Noah knew the water was receding.

After another week, Noah sends the dove out again. This time it doesn’t return.

“By the first day of the first month of Noah’s six hundred and first year, the water had dried up from the earth. Noah then removed the covering from the ark and saw that the surface of the ground was dry. By the twenty-seventh day of the second month the earth was completely dry.”

In Noah’s six hundredth and first year on the twenty-seventh day of the second month the earth was completely dry. He and his family had been on the ark for one year, one month and ten days.

As I read this story today, here’s what jumped out at me…

The waters receded slowly.

Once the rain stopped, God didn’t zap away all the water. He sent a wind. That’s it. No zapping. No wand-waving. No miracles.

Just a wind. And then a lot of waiting.

Oh, and remembering. God always remembered Noah and his family and the animals.

He never forgot them.

Just like He never forgets you.

Maybe you’ve been enduring a 13-month trial of your own. Or maybe a 23-month trial. Or 33 months. Or longer.

God hasn’t forgotten though. There might still be a miracle coming, but there might just be a slow-receding.

Little by little the waters of difficulties and pain and confusion are receding. It might feel so slow that you don’t even notice. You will though. One day, you’ll notice the dove will return with an olive leaf. And not long after, the dove won’t return at all.

The waters will have receded. You’ll see dry ground again.

Until then, remember that God remembers. He never, ever forgets you.

God Lets Us Choose

I’ve been really intrigued by the Christmas story this year. Read Matthew 2, then I’ll share a couple things that jumped off the page at me…

After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem and asked, “Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star in the east and have come to worship him.”

When King Herod heard this he was disturbed, and all Jerusalem with him. When he had called together all the people’s chief priests and teachers of the law, he asked them where the Christ was to be born. “In Bethlehem in Judea,” they replied, “for this is what the prophet has written:

“‘But you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah,
are by no means least among the rulers of Judah;
for out of you will come a ruler
who will be the shepherd of my people Israel.’”

Then Herod called the Magi secretly and found out from them the exact time the star had appeared. He sent them to Bethlehem and said, “Go and make a careful search for the child. As soon as you find him, report to me, so that I too may go and worship him.”

After they had heard the king, they went on their way, and the star they had seen in the east went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was. When they saw the star, they were overjoyed. On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold and of incense and of myrrh. And having been warned in a dream not to go back to Herod, they returned to their country by another route.

When they had gone, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream. “Get up,” he said, “take the child and his mother and escape to Egypt. Stay there until I tell you, for Herod is going to search for the child to kill him.”

So he got up, took the child and his mother during the night and left for Egypt, where he stayed until the death of Herod. And so was fulfilled what the Lord had said through the prophet: “Out of Egypt I called my son.”

When Herod realized that he had been outwitted by the Magi, he was furious, and he gave orders to kill all the boys in Bethlehem and its vicinity who were two years old and under, in accordance with the time he had learned from the Magi. Then what was said through the prophet Jeremiah was fulfilled:

“A voice is heard in Ramah,
weeping and great mourning,
Rachel weeping for her children
and refusing to be comforted,
because they are no more.”

After Herod died, an angel of the Lord appeared in a dream to Joseph in Egypt and said, “Get up, take the child and his mother and go to the land of Israel, for those who were trying to take the child’s life are dead.”

So he got up, took the child and his mother and went to the land of Israel. But when he heard that Archelaus was reigning in Judea in place of his father Herod, he was afraid to go there. Having been warned in a dream, he withdrew to the district of Galilee, and he went and lived in a town called Nazareth. So was fulfilled what was said through the prophets: “He will be called a Nazarene.”

So two things stand out to me…

First, since Matthew is writing to a Jewish audience, he is careful to mention how various events are fulfilling Old Testament prophecies concerning Jesus. He’s making clear that everything God said would happen is now coming to pass. It’s a great reminder that God is faithful and in control. He can always be counted on to do what He says He’ll do.

The second thing I noticed is how God handles a death threat against His Son. Wouldn’t you think God would just kill Herod when He learns he has plans to kill Jesus? After all, God has all power and authority. All. Power. And. Authority. No one can oppose Him. Why not just kill Herod?

And yet, rather than taking out Herod, He has an angel warn Joseph to take Mary and Jesus and flee to Egypt. Doesn’t that seem like the hard way to do it? I mean, Herod is an evil monster. Just take him out. Why make Mary and Joseph escape to Egypt to save Jesus? Do you think they may have wondered the same thing?

That’s just not God’s way, is it? Sure, God answers prayers, performs miracles and intervenes in human affairs, but God also seems very content to let things play out. He doesn’t usually override human decisions. He lets us choose. We get to decide whether we’ll live according to His ways or our own. God doesn’t force us to do things His way.

God’s wisdom and guidance are always available to us, but we don’t have to listen. Herod didn’t. And God didn’t change his mind. He doesn’t overrule our choices either.

The choices we make have an impact on others. And their choices have an impact on us. Sometimes it’s a good impact. Sometimes it’s bad. And sometimes it’s very bad.

I know we want God to just zap our enemies and make all of our circumstances pleasant ones. At least I do. But that’s not how He usually works. More often than not, it seems that He lets choices–good ones and bad ones–just play out. And then He gives us the wisdom and strength to navigate whatever comes our way.

In the midst of it all, God invites us to seek Him and walk according to His ways. He invites us to experience His love and love Him in return.

He wants a genuine friendship with us. It’s what He’s always wanted. And that requires that we have a choice.

Emotional Intelligence

I believe there are different types of intelligence.

Some people are great at math. Others can easily diagnose what’s wrong with a car engine and get it fixed. One of my sons-in-law can play multiple musical instruments. I have a friend who understands complex electronic equipment.

I have another friend who has what I would call “spatial” intelligence. We used to work together creating various products. He was great at seeing how various types of packaging would work or not work. Some football coaches have a type of intelligence that allows them to design innovative offenses or defenses, schemes that revolutionize the game.

You have a certain type of intelligence. Call it a strength, a gift or ability if you want to. Just develop yours and don’t worry about everyone else. It’s okay that you don’t have the kind of intelligence that others have.

There is one type of intelligence though that all of us need to have. Some people seem to have more of it while some have less of it. And some people have much less of it. And that’s the problem.

I call it “emotional” intelligence.

Someone else might define it differently, but here’s my definition of emotional intelligence…

It’s the ability to build meaningful relationships, work on a team and resolve conflicts. It’s the ability to get along with others and treat them with respect. It’s understanding your own strengths and weaknesses. It’s knowing how you come across to others. It’s knowing what to say, how to say it and when to say it…and when not to say it. It’s being able to read a situation and read someone’s body language. It’s knowing when to shut your mouth and just listen. It’s knowing that you can’t just speak your mind and expect others to “just deal with it.” It’s the ability to put the needs of others before your own.

From what I’ve observed over the years–some people have emotional intelligence and some don’t. If you don’t have it–you need to develop it. Fast. Every one of your relationships depends on it.

Last night, my wife, Robyn, had just finished speaking to a group of college students at a Young Life College meeting on campus. Earlier, I saw an older man come in late to the meeting and sit down. That’s fine, but he just seemed out of place, so I kept an eye on him.

So after Robyn had finished, this man stood up in the meeting and started to make his way toward the front of the room. He was asking if anyone had heard about what God was doing in a certain prison ministry. While the meeting wrapped up, my wife took him aside to listen to him and I made my way over to them.

Robyn did a great job of patiently listening to him, but eventually I interrupted so she could spend time with the college students. Even after I tried to excuse her from the conversation, the man continued on trying to make his point. Whatever point that was.

I wanted to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. Possibly, God was at work. Maybe there was a reason he was there. But the more he continued to talk, the less I wanted to hear what he had to say. His interruption was highly inappropriate. Even rude. He may have thought he was “doing God’s work,” but mostly he was just annoying.

He had no place in the meeting last night, but he couldn’t read the situation. He didn’t know how he was coming across. He didn’t know that his interruption hurt his cause rather than helped it. It didn’t occur to him to ask questions rather than talk endlessly about his own agenda.

A lack of emotional intelligence will kill your relationships or your cause, whatever it is.

So what’s the solution? How do you grow your emotional intelligence?

It begins with the most emotionally intelligent person in history. Jesus. Without Him, we are all spiritually and emotionally lost, broken people. We need Jesus to heal us. Only then, are we capable of becoming the people He wants us to be.

To become more emotionally intelligent requires true humility. The kind Jesus displayed. The kind of humility that allows us to lay aside our rights or needs and put others before ourselves. The kind of humility that allows us to understand we have blind spots–areas of weakness that we can’t see, but others can.

To become more emotionally intelligent may require some serious self-reflection and admitting that maybe we’re the common denominator in all of our dysfunctional relationships. Maybe it’s not that other people just don’t “get you”, but that you’ve been a self-centered jerk. Sadly, a lack of emotional intelligence is the very thing that prevents someone from even being open to the possibility that they could be the problem–not everyone else.

If you’re in a relationship you truly care about, but are experiencing some degree of tension or conflict–try asking the other person questions like these:

• Is there something I’m doing that I may not be aware of that is hurting our relationship?
• What blind spots do you see that I have?
• What have I done that was insensitive to you?
• Do you think I have a good understanding of how I come across to others?

Those may feel like some intimidating questions. Maybe you’d rather not know the answer. Or worse, you just don’t care. And that would probably confirm–you’re suffering from a lack of emotional intelligence.

James 1:19-20 says, “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”

It’s good advice.  So go ahead–ask the questions. And then listen. Don’t talk. Don’t get angry. Just listen.

God’s Timing

Waiting is one of the hardest aspects of walking with God. And since God never seems to be in a hurry, waiting is something we should not only get used to, but learn to embrace.

I won’t suggest I enjoy waiting. I don’t. But I do know it can be a rich, productive season, whether it lasts a day, a year or 40 years, like it did for Moses.

I have a friend who will undergo tests today in Houston to see if he is still cancer free. He had major surgery earlier this year to remove cancerous areas from his colon and liver. He’ll learn the results of the tests on Wednesday. Tonight and tomorrow will be a season of waiting. Two nights might not seem like a long time, but try waiting that long to find out if your cancer has returned.

Maybe you’ve also waited for test results. Or the return phone call after an interview. Or maybe you’ve waited for a spouse or a baby. I have two daughters who are married to men in the military. Each have had to wait for their husbands to return home.

It could be that you’re in a set of circumstances you’d rather not be in. You’re unemployed. You’re in a financial mess. Your marriage is falling apart. Your child continues to live in rebellion. Or you’re sick and the doctor can’t figure it out.

And you’ve prayed. You’ve cried out to God. And you’ve waited. And waited. And waited.

And you’ve wondered where God is and what He’s doing.

I’ve been there. It’s frustrating. It’s discouraging. It’s confusing.

Or, if we let it, the waiting can be a time of growth and greater intimacy with God. It can be a season that prepares us for what’s to come. Greater responsibility? Greater fruitfulness? Greater influence? Only God knows.

In Acts 7, Stephen is speaking before the Sanhedrin (a Jewish court):

²³ “When Moses was forty years old, he decided to visit his fellow Israelites. ²⁴ He saw one of them being mistreated by an Egyptian, so he went to his defense and avenged him by killing the Egyptian. ²⁵ Moses thought that his own people would realize that God was using him to rescue them, but they did not. ²⁶ The next day Moses came upon two Israelites who were fighting. He tried to reconcile them by saying, ‘Men, you are brothers; why do you want to hurt each other?’

²⁷ “But the man who was mistreating the other pushed Moses aside and said, ‘Who made you ruler and judge over us? ²⁸ Do you want to kill me as you killed the Egyptian yesterday?’ ²⁹ When Moses heard this, he fled to Midian, where he settled as a foreigner and had two sons.

³⁰ “After forty years had passed, an angel appeared to Moses in the flames of a burning bush in the desert near Mount Sinai. ³¹ When he saw this, he was amazed at the sight. As he went over to look more closely, he heard the Lord’s voice: ³² ‘I am the God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.’ Moses trembled with fear and did not dare to look.

³³ “Then the Lord said to him, ‘Take off your sandals; the place where you are standing is holy ground. ³⁴ I have indeed seen the oppression of my people in Egypt. I have heard their groaning and have come down to set them free. Now come, I will send you back to Egypt.’

³⁵ “This is the same Moses whom they had rejected with the words, ‘Who made you ruler and judge?’ He was sent to be their ruler and deliverer by God himself, through the angel who appeared to him in the bush. ³⁶ He led them out of Egypt and did wonders and miraculous signs in Egypt, at the Red Sea and for forty years in the desert.

When Moses was 40 years old, he decided to visit his fellow Israelites. He thought they would see him as the one to rescue them from the Egyptians. And then he commits murder. He decided. He thought. He killed. God wasn’t in it.

Clearly, this was not God’s timing or God’s ways. And so Moses flees. For 40 years. Until it’s God’s timing for him to return to Egypt and do things God’s way.

Look what happens though when it is God’s timing. The very same Moses they rejected is later sent back to them as the one God would use to deliver them from the hands of the Egyptians. Moses had the right idea–his timing was just off.

During your season of waiting, God will continue to work. You may not always see it, but He will never stop working. He will be working to mature you, to give you wisdom, to teach you His ways and to prepare you for what’s to come. He will be at work in your circumstances and in the lives of others.

When you lose sight of God, remember this: no matter what is happening, God will always be at work so you will know Him better and trust Him more. He will always be working for your good and His glory.

Maybe you have a dream or a desire–something you really believe God has put on your heart. But nothing is happening. There’s no forward progress. No end in sight to your current circumstances. God doesn’t seem to be cooperating.

As hard as this will be, let me encourage you to relax. Seek God with all your heart. Trust Him. Do everything He commands. And wait patiently.

His timing and His ways will always be best.

What Are Your Emotions Telling You?

Last month, my son and I went to a NASCAR race in Kansas City. On our way back home, we stopped to get some dinner. After leaving the restaurant, I was accelerating to get back onto the highway, when I felt my car hesitate. It had been doing that for a couple of weeks, but it was worse this time. And that’s when the “Service Engine Soon” light came on.

Something was going on underneath the hood that needed to be checked out. Something was wrong and the light was warning me about it.

I’m glad cars come with warning lights. They save us from ignoring or even being unaware of problems that could become very expensive to fix.

I think you and I have some warning lights as well. And when they illuminate, they’re letting us know that something’s wrong, that something needs to be checked out “underneath the hood.”

Those warning lights are our emotions.

I think I’ve had one lit up for a week or two now.

There was a day last week when I just felt annoyed. A bunch of little things were piling up and really starting to bother me. And I was starting to voice my frustrations.

Today, I’ve had trouble identifying just what it is I’m feeling. At first, I thought it was boredom. Then I wondered if I was just feeling stale. Although, I’m not really sure what “stale” should feel like. As I’ve thought about it some more, I think what I’m feeling is depleted. One dictionary defines “depleted” this way:

To decrease the fullness of; use up or empty out.

I don’t feel like I’m on empty, but my fullness has definitely been decreased.

Years ago, I read a book about a pastor who was very diligent in tracking two areas of his life: his workouts and his time with the Lord. He reasoned that if he was taking care of himself spiritually and physically then he would be okay. So he was completely caught off guard one day when he broke down in tears while sitting in his office.

He checked his spiritual and emotional “gauges” and they were both telling him everything was fine. So what was wrong?

There was another area of his life he’d failed to take care of and the breakdown in his office was the warning light. That area was his emotional health.

As he looked back at his schedule, he saw that he was involved in some very intensive activities that were depleting his emotional reserves. His activities were good ones, but they were running down his emotional battery and leaving him with little in reserve. Reading the Bible and exercising were not enough. He needed time to emotionally recharge as well.

How about you? What are your emotions telling you today? Is there a warning light that’s lit up?

Maybe it’s just a little annoyance or frustration like I was feeling last week. Or maybe it’s bigger like anger or discouragement or fear or anxiety.

If you’re not spending time in God’s word and taking care of yourself physically (exercise, eating well and getting enough sleep), then I’d start there. But let’s not ignore the need to also recharge emotionally.

For some of us, that might mean getting together with friends or taking a walk after work. Maybe it’s taking time to paint or go to a movie or read a book.

It’s tempting to think we should just maintain our hectic pace. Just keep going. Keep putting out. The problem comes when we’re depleted. When there’s nothing left to give.

When we get to that place, we’re not helping anyone, including ourselves, if we just keep pushing.

Is there a warning light on in your life?

If there is, what do you need to do about it?

Marriage God’s Way

Some random thoughts on marriage from James 3:13-4:7….

Unmet or conflicting desires can lead to fighting. When you put your own wants and desires before your spouse’s, there will inevitably be conflict.

The world’s plan is to put our own needs before our spouse’s needs. James 3:13-18, tells us this will be characterized by envy and selfish ambition. The result is “disorder and every evil practice.”

Patterns of living according to the world’s ways can run deep. What we learned as children from our parents can be very, very tough to unlearn or overcome. Continuing to live according to the world’s plans as an adult will only lead to a very unhealthy and ultimately unsuccessful marriage.

When I spend little time seeking God by reading His word and talking with Him, I will naturally follow the world’s plan for my life. I will pursue my plans, my goals and my desires. James 4:4 compares this type of living to committing adultery against God. When I choose to be a friend of the world, I become an enemy of God. And you never want to have God as your enemy.

Anger and/or depression may be a signal of a wrong or blocked desire or goal. Sometimes it’s a legitimate desire being blocked by a sinful spouse. Sometimes it’s an illegitimate desire being blocked by God. James 4:6 says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Yes, God opposes us when we choose to do things our own way and live according to our own plans and desires. Going our own way is the essence of pride.

Pride is what led to Satan’s rebellion against God. It is what leads to “disorder and every evil practice.” The only solution is found in James 4:7, “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” We will either submit to God and resist the devil or submit to the devil and resist God.

There are four types of marriages:

The husband has submitted to God and the wife has submitted to God. This relationship is characterized by putting the other’s needs first. The atmosphere of the marriage will be pure, peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. It doesn’t mean everything will always be smooth and free of conflict, but it does mean God is present, at work in both people and the ultimate goal is to please God and advance His kingdom. Together.

The husband has not submitted to God and the wife has not submitted to God. In this relationship, both husband and wife are striving to get their needs met first. This type of relationship is “earthly, unspiritual, of the devil.” There will be envy and selfish ambition, resulting in “disorder and every evil practice.” Does it mean there will never be moments of happiness? No, but this type of marriage will always fall short of God’s intended design, because it’s based on worldly, not godly principles. And most likely, this marriage will fail to last.

The husband has submitted to God, but the wife has not submitted to God. This is a marriage being lived out under conflicting worldviews. The husband is putting God before himself, but the wife is putting herself before God. The husband will most likely feel frustrated by having certain desires, and even needs, go unmet. As far as experiencing all that God intends for them both individually and as a couple, it’s like having a 6-cylinder car that’s only firing on three cylinders. It’ll run, but it’s a slow, rough ride and not very enjoyable.

The husband has not submitted to God, but the wife has submitted to God. Same situation as above, but because the husband is charged with providing leadership in the family and is not, the long-term consequences are worse in this situation. It’s not just the marriage that’s effected, but the children and successive generations.

Sadly, when one spouse chooses to not submit to God, it makes life much more difficult for the spouse who has chosen to live according to God’s ways. The sin of the prideful spouse infects the entire marriage.

Not living in submission to God doesn’t always have to look like active rebellion. It can also manifest as passive indifference. One spouse may be trying to walk obediently with God, but still be indifferent to a spouse’s needs. He or she may not even be aware of this until it is pointed out. Once it’s pointed out though, it becomes sinful to not lovingly meet the legitimate needs of the other.

The more opposite you are from your spouse the more awkward it will feel to express love in the way your spouse can receive it. And if you are not living in submission to God, then you will have little desire and no power to choose to love your spouse.

For example, if a wife is task-oriented, detailed and organized–she may feel more loved by a husband who comes home on time, balances the checkbook to the penny and takes out the garbage on time. If he ignores those things and instead writes her a love note and brings her flowers, she will probably feel misunderstood and even resentful.

The same is true of the wife who tirelessly keeps the house clean, cooks from scratch, does the laundry every night and has the household budget in line, but is so wiped out by 8:00 p.m. she has little energy left for her husband. It may be that he’d prefer dirty floors, piles of laundry and a sandwich for dinner if it means having an energetic wife at bedtime. Of course, the better scenario would be a husband who recognizes her desire to have a clean house and who helps out more with household chores, so she can relax both physically and emotionally.

Regardless of the situation you find yourself in today, the best response is always to submit to God. You can’t change your spouse, but you can cooperate with God to change you.

Submit to God, love your spouse with His power and trust Him to work in your spouse’s life.

Is God In Your Way?

One of the benefits of reading and studying the Old Testament is gaining an understanding of how God has worked in history. Put another way–we get to see what God is up to. We grasp the big picture. And that’s always helpful for me when I seem to get lost in either the details of life or the details of a particular passage of Scripture.

So what is God up to?

Well, He’s up to you and me.

He created us to live in friendship with Him. For reasons beyond my understanding, God loves us. The Person who spoke and the universe came into existence desires us. He wants us.

The eternal Creator of everything is crazy about you. He’s crazy about me. You and I actually matter to Him. Don’t miss that. It may be the single most amazing truth there is. You matter to God.

God isn’t far away and unconcerned. He hasn’t forgotten you. He isn’t too busy.

He’s close. He’s concerned. And He’s crazy in love with you.

Maybe the big picture story of the Old Testament is simply this:

There is a God who’s head over heels in love with us and gets jealous when we give our love to the world instead of Him. And so He lovingly and graciously opposes us when we turn away from Him.

That’s the message we find in James 4:6…

But He gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

We’re proud when we live life on our own terms, when we choose to go our own way. God clearly sets out a way for us to live and relate to Him. When we choose to do things our own way, He lovingly opposes us.

Are you experiencing God’s opposition today? Is He standing in your way to oppose you?

Is it possible to even know if God is opposing us?

When our goals are blocked we get frustrated, don’t we? We want something, but don’t get it. We desire something, but can’t have it. And so we feel frustrated. Left unchecked, frustration easily becomes anger or depression or both.

If you’re feeling angry or depressed, maybe it’s because your goal or desire is being blocked. By God. Because it’s not something He wants for you. It’s something you want for you, but He knows it’s not good or best. And so He very lovingly and graciously and patiently opposes you. He gets in your way.

Until you turn around and go His way.

The next verse in James says, “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.”

Maybe those frustrating circumstances or conflict-filled relationships are the result of going your own way. The answer? Submit to God. Turn back to Him. Surrender it all to Him.

And remember, “He gives us more grace.”

He will always give us the grace and the power to do whatever He calls us to do. He never gives a command without also giving the ability to carry it out.

Now I’m not suggesting that every difficulty we face is the result of God opposing us. Just as Satan is not behind every bad thing that happens. We live in a badly broken world. Bad stuff happens. Other people can do things to really wound us through no fault of our own.

Sometimes though, those long-lasting, frustrating circumstances are the result of our wrong choices. Remember the big picture–God created you for Himself. He’ll never be content with sharing you. He wants your complete devotion. He wants to be the object of your deepest desires. And He gets jealous when He’s not.

So rather than let us wander off in the wrong direction and get ourselves into even more trouble–He opposes us. For our own good. So we’ll turn back to Him.

Where are you at today? Frustrated? Angry? Discouraged? Even depressed?

Maybe the most powerful prayer you could pray is simply, “Lord, thank you for opposing me. I submit.”

The Sin of King Saul

Do you ever read about someone in the Bible and get frustrated with them? I guess that’s the kind way of saying it. Do you ever wonder what in the world that idiot was thinking?

I do. Over the past few days, I’ve felt that way about Saul, the first king over Israel.

This is a guy who had everything going for him. 1 Samuel 9:2 tells us Saul was “an impressive young man without equal among the Israelites–a head taller than any of the others.”

In 1 Samuel 10, Saul is anointed as king by Samuel who then tells Saul to go on ahead of him to a town called Gilgal. Samuel will follow along in seven days and offer sacrifices and tell Saul what he’s to do.

When Saul returns home after his encounter with Samuel, his uncle asks him what Samuel said to him. Saul fails to tell his uncle that he’s been anointed as king. I suppose you could call that humility, but I don’t think it is. It seems like the beginning of a pattern of shrinking back from responsibility, from stepping up to the calling God has placed on his life.

Later, when Samuel publicly brings the tribes of Israel out to indicate who has been chosen as king, the tribe of Benjamin (that’s Saul’s tribe) is chosen. Then each clan in that tribe is brought forth, and Saul’s clan is chosen. And finally, Saul is chosen from those men in his clan.

There’s a problem though–Saul’s nowhere to be found. So the people inquired of God, “Has the man come here yet?”

God answered them, “Yes, he has hidden himself among the baggage.”

What? He’s hidden himself among the baggage? That’s right. Saul was hiding. They had to go look for him.

Once Samuel explains to the people how this new kingship in Israel will work, he dismisses everyone to their homes. Saul returns to his home in Gibeah and was accompanied by “valiant men whose hearts God had touched.” But there were also some troublemakers who despised him. “But Saul kept silent.”

Are you seeing a pattern? He doesn’t step up. He hides. He keeps silent.

He’s not leading. He’s not accepting responsibility. He’s acting passively.

Um, I do that. Before I’m too hard on Saul, I need to take a look in the mirror. And as I do, I’m not sure I like what I see.

How about you?

There’s more though…

Remember when Samuel told Saul to wait seven days? I posted about it here. Basically, Saul waited, but not long enough. Saul didn’t have his eyes on God, they were on his circumstances. That will always lead to feeling fearful, worried or anxious. And that never results in doing what’s right or best according to God.

Saul disobeyed and offered the sacrifices on his own, which was not for him to do. Rather than fear God, he feared his circumstances.

Some time later, Samuel gives Saul instructions from God to attack the Amalekites. God is going to punish them for how they treated the nation of Israel in the past. God commands Saul to spare no one–not people, not animals, not anything.

Saul carried out the attack and did what God commanded. Well, almost. Saul spared the king of the Amalekites. And they also kept the best animals.

That’s when God tells Samuel He’s grieved He made Saul king. So the next morning, Samuel set out to meet Saul. When he reached him, Saul said, “The Lord bless you! I have carried out the Lord’s instructions.”

But Samuel said, “What then is this bleating of sheep in my ears? What is this lowing of cattle that I hear?”

Saul answered, “The soldiers brought them from the Amalekites; they spared the best of the sheep and cattle to sacrifice to the Lord your God, but we totally destroyed the rest.”

At one point, he tells Samuel that he kept the best animals because, “I was afraid of the people so I gave into them.”

What Saul does is make excuses. Eventually, he agrees with Samuel that he has sinned, but you still get the idea that he’s not truly grieved over what he’s done. He’s more sorry he got caught than sorry He disobeyed and grieved God.

Again, he’s not fearing God–this time he’s fearing the people.

I do that. I fear people. I fear their opinions or what they’ll think of me. And so like Saul, I will remain silent when I should speak up.

I don’t respect Saul and how he failed to lead well, accept responsibility and fulfill God’s call on his life, but before I’m too hard on Saul, I need to take inventory of my own life.

Do I get so focused on my circumstances that I lose sight of God…and as a result make sinful decisions?

Do I fear people more than I fear God? Does that lead me to be silent when I should speak the truth?

Do I make excuses when I fail to fully obey? Do I tend to view partial obedience as enough?

Do I hide from responsibility and act passively when I really need to be stepping up?

How about you?