Emotional Intelligence

I believe there are different types of intelligence.

Some people are great at math. Others can easily diagnose what’s wrong with a car engine and get it fixed. One of my sons-in-law can play multiple musical instruments. I have a friend who understands complex electronic equipment.

I have another friend who has what I would call “spatial” intelligence. We used to work together creating various products. He was great at seeing how various types of packaging would work or not work. Some football coaches have a type of intelligence that allows them to design innovative offenses or defenses, schemes that revolutionize the game.

You have a certain type of intelligence. Call it a strength, a gift or ability if you want to. Just develop yours and don’t worry about everyone else. It’s okay that you don’t have the kind of intelligence that others have.

There is one type of intelligence though that all of us need to have. Some people seem to have more of it while some have less of it. And some people have much less of it. And that’s the problem.

I call it “emotional” intelligence.

Someone else might define it differently, but here’s my definition of emotional intelligence…

It’s the ability to build meaningful relationships, work on a team and resolve conflicts. It’s the ability to get along with others and treat them with respect. It’s understanding your own strengths and weaknesses. It’s knowing how you come across to others. It’s knowing what to say, how to say it and when to say it…and when not to say it. It’s being able to read a situation and read someone’s body language. It’s knowing when to shut your mouth and just listen. It’s knowing that you can’t just speak your mind and expect others to “just deal with it.” It’s the ability to put the needs of others before your own.

From what I’ve observed over the years–some people have emotional intelligence and some don’t. If you don’t have it–you need to develop it. Fast. Every one of your relationships depends on it.

Last night, my wife, Robyn, had just finished speaking to a group of college students at a Young Life College meeting on campus. Earlier, I saw an older man come in late to the meeting and sit down. That’s fine, but he just seemed out of place, so I kept an eye on him.

So after Robyn had finished, this man stood up in the meeting and started to make his way toward the front of the room. He was asking if anyone had heard about what God was doing in a certain prison ministry. While the meeting wrapped up, my wife took him aside to listen to him and I made my way over to them.

Robyn did a great job of patiently listening to him, but eventually I interrupted so she could spend time with the college students. Even after I tried to excuse her from the conversation, the man continued on trying to make his point. Whatever point that was.

I wanted to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. Possibly, God was at work. Maybe there was a reason he was there. But the more he continued to talk, the less I wanted to hear what he had to say. His interruption was highly inappropriate. Even rude. He may have thought he was “doing God’s work,” but mostly he was just annoying.

He had no place in the meeting last night, but he couldn’t read the situation. He didn’t know how he was coming across. He didn’t know that his interruption hurt his cause rather than helped it. It didn’t occur to him to ask questions rather than talk endlessly about his own agenda.

A lack of emotional intelligence will kill your relationships or your cause, whatever it is.

So what’s the solution? How do you grow your emotional intelligence?

It begins with the most emotionally intelligent person in history. Jesus. Without Him, we are all spiritually and emotionally lost, broken people. We need Jesus to heal us. Only then, are we capable of becoming the people He wants us to be.

To become more emotionally intelligent requires true humility. The kind Jesus displayed. The kind of humility that allows us to lay aside our rights or needs and put others before ourselves. The kind of humility that allows us to understand we have blind spots–areas of weakness that we can’t see, but others can.

To become more emotionally intelligent may require some serious self-reflection and admitting that maybe we’re the common denominator in all of our dysfunctional relationships. Maybe it’s not that other people just don’t “get you”, but that you’ve been a self-centered jerk. Sadly, a lack of emotional intelligence is the very thing that prevents someone from even being open to the possibility that they could be the problem–not everyone else.

If you’re in a relationship you truly care about, but are experiencing some degree of tension or conflict–try asking the other person questions like these:

• Is there something I’m doing that I may not be aware of that is hurting our relationship?
• What blind spots do you see that I have?
• What have I done that was insensitive to you?
• Do you think I have a good understanding of how I come across to others?

Those may feel like some intimidating questions. Maybe you’d rather not know the answer. Or worse, you just don’t care. And that would probably confirm–you’re suffering from a lack of emotional intelligence.

James 1:19-20 says, “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”

It’s good advice.  So go ahead–ask the questions. And then listen. Don’t talk. Don’t get angry. Just listen.

God’s Timing

Waiting is one of the hardest aspects of walking with God. And since God never seems to be in a hurry, waiting is something we should not only get used to, but learn to embrace.

I won’t suggest I enjoy waiting. I don’t. But I do know it can be a rich, productive season, whether it lasts a day, a year or 40 years, like it did for Moses.

I have a friend who will undergo tests today in Houston to see if he is still cancer free. He had major surgery earlier this year to remove cancerous areas from his colon and liver. He’ll learn the results of the tests on Wednesday. Tonight and tomorrow will be a season of waiting. Two nights might not seem like a long time, but try waiting that long to find out if your cancer has returned.

Maybe you’ve also waited for test results. Or the return phone call after an interview. Or maybe you’ve waited for a spouse or a baby. I have two daughters who are married to men in the military. Each have had to wait for their husbands to return home.

It could be that you’re in a set of circumstances you’d rather not be in. You’re unemployed. You’re in a financial mess. Your marriage is falling apart. Your child continues to live in rebellion. Or you’re sick and the doctor can’t figure it out.

And you’ve prayed. You’ve cried out to God. And you’ve waited. And waited. And waited.

And you’ve wondered where God is and what He’s doing.

I’ve been there. It’s frustrating. It’s discouraging. It’s confusing.

Or, if we let it, the waiting can be a time of growth and greater intimacy with God. It can be a season that prepares us for what’s to come. Greater responsibility? Greater fruitfulness? Greater influence? Only God knows.

In Acts 7, Stephen is speaking before the Sanhedrin (a Jewish court):

²³ “When Moses was forty years old, he decided to visit his fellow Israelites. ²⁴ He saw one of them being mistreated by an Egyptian, so he went to his defense and avenged him by killing the Egyptian. ²⁵ Moses thought that his own people would realize that God was using him to rescue them, but they did not. ²⁶ The next day Moses came upon two Israelites who were fighting. He tried to reconcile them by saying, ‘Men, you are brothers; why do you want to hurt each other?’

²⁷ “But the man who was mistreating the other pushed Moses aside and said, ‘Who made you ruler and judge over us? ²⁸ Do you want to kill me as you killed the Egyptian yesterday?’ ²⁹ When Moses heard this, he fled to Midian, where he settled as a foreigner and had two sons.

³⁰ “After forty years had passed, an angel appeared to Moses in the flames of a burning bush in the desert near Mount Sinai. ³¹ When he saw this, he was amazed at the sight. As he went over to look more closely, he heard the Lord’s voice: ³² ‘I am the God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.’ Moses trembled with fear and did not dare to look.

³³ “Then the Lord said to him, ‘Take off your sandals; the place where you are standing is holy ground. ³⁴ I have indeed seen the oppression of my people in Egypt. I have heard their groaning and have come down to set them free. Now come, I will send you back to Egypt.’

³⁵ “This is the same Moses whom they had rejected with the words, ‘Who made you ruler and judge?’ He was sent to be their ruler and deliverer by God himself, through the angel who appeared to him in the bush. ³⁶ He led them out of Egypt and did wonders and miraculous signs in Egypt, at the Red Sea and for forty years in the desert.

When Moses was 40 years old, he decided to visit his fellow Israelites. He thought they would see him as the one to rescue them from the Egyptians. And then he commits murder. He decided. He thought. He killed. God wasn’t in it.

Clearly, this was not God’s timing or God’s ways. And so Moses flees. For 40 years. Until it’s God’s timing for him to return to Egypt and do things God’s way.

Look what happens though when it is God’s timing. The very same Moses they rejected is later sent back to them as the one God would use to deliver them from the hands of the Egyptians. Moses had the right idea–his timing was just off.

During your season of waiting, God will continue to work. You may not always see it, but He will never stop working. He will be working to mature you, to give you wisdom, to teach you His ways and to prepare you for what’s to come. He will be at work in your circumstances and in the lives of others.

When you lose sight of God, remember this: no matter what is happening, God will always be at work so you will know Him better and trust Him more. He will always be working for your good and His glory.

Maybe you have a dream or a desire–something you really believe God has put on your heart. But nothing is happening. There’s no forward progress. No end in sight to your current circumstances. God doesn’t seem to be cooperating.

As hard as this will be, let me encourage you to relax. Seek God with all your heart. Trust Him. Do everything He commands. And wait patiently.

His timing and His ways will always be best.

What Are Your Emotions Telling You?

Last month, my son and I went to a NASCAR race in Kansas City. On our way back home, we stopped to get some dinner. After leaving the restaurant, I was accelerating to get back onto the highway, when I felt my car hesitate. It had been doing that for a couple of weeks, but it was worse this time. And that’s when the “Service Engine Soon” light came on.

Something was going on underneath the hood that needed to be checked out. Something was wrong and the light was warning me about it.

I’m glad cars come with warning lights. They save us from ignoring or even being unaware of problems that could become very expensive to fix.

I think you and I have some warning lights as well. And when they illuminate, they’re letting us know that something’s wrong, that something needs to be checked out “underneath the hood.”

Those warning lights are our emotions.

I think I’ve had one lit up for a week or two now.

There was a day last week when I just felt annoyed. A bunch of little things were piling up and really starting to bother me. And I was starting to voice my frustrations.

Today, I’ve had trouble identifying just what it is I’m feeling. At first, I thought it was boredom. Then I wondered if I was just feeling stale. Although, I’m not really sure what “stale” should feel like. As I’ve thought about it some more, I think what I’m feeling is depleted. One dictionary defines “depleted” this way:

To decrease the fullness of; use up or empty out.

I don’t feel like I’m on empty, but my fullness has definitely been decreased.

Years ago, I read a book about a pastor who was very diligent in tracking two areas of his life: his workouts and his time with the Lord. He reasoned that if he was taking care of himself spiritually and physically then he would be okay. So he was completely caught off guard one day when he broke down in tears while sitting in his office.

He checked his spiritual and emotional “gauges” and they were both telling him everything was fine. So what was wrong?

There was another area of his life he’d failed to take care of and the breakdown in his office was the warning light. That area was his emotional health.

As he looked back at his schedule, he saw that he was involved in some very intensive activities that were depleting his emotional reserves. His activities were good ones, but they were running down his emotional battery and leaving him with little in reserve. Reading the Bible and exercising were not enough. He needed time to emotionally recharge as well.

How about you? What are your emotions telling you today? Is there a warning light that’s lit up?

Maybe it’s just a little annoyance or frustration like I was feeling last week. Or maybe it’s bigger like anger or discouragement or fear or anxiety.

If you’re not spending time in God’s word and taking care of yourself physically (exercise, eating well and getting enough sleep), then I’d start there. But let’s not ignore the need to also recharge emotionally.

For some of us, that might mean getting together with friends or taking a walk after work. Maybe it’s taking time to paint or go to a movie or read a book.

It’s tempting to think we should just maintain our hectic pace. Just keep going. Keep putting out. The problem comes when we’re depleted. When there’s nothing left to give.

When we get to that place, we’re not helping anyone, including ourselves, if we just keep pushing.

Is there a warning light on in your life?

If there is, what do you need to do about it?

Marriage God’s Way

Some random thoughts on marriage from James 3:13-4:7….

Unmet or conflicting desires can lead to fighting. When you put your own wants and desires before your spouse’s, there will inevitably be conflict.

The world’s plan is to put our own needs before our spouse’s needs. James 3:13-18, tells us this will be characterized by envy and selfish ambition. The result is “disorder and every evil practice.”

Patterns of living according to the world’s ways can run deep. What we learned as children from our parents can be very, very tough to unlearn or overcome. Continuing to live according to the world’s plans as an adult will only lead to a very unhealthy and ultimately unsuccessful marriage.

When I spend little time seeking God by reading His word and talking with Him, I will naturally follow the world’s plan for my life. I will pursue my plans, my goals and my desires. James 4:4 compares this type of living to committing adultery against God. When I choose to be a friend of the world, I become an enemy of God. And you never want to have God as your enemy.

Anger and/or depression may be a signal of a wrong or blocked desire or goal. Sometimes it’s a legitimate desire being blocked by a sinful spouse. Sometimes it’s an illegitimate desire being blocked by God. James 4:6 says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Yes, God opposes us when we choose to do things our own way and live according to our own plans and desires. Going our own way is the essence of pride.

Pride is what led to Satan’s rebellion against God. It is what leads to “disorder and every evil practice.” The only solution is found in James 4:7, “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” We will either submit to God and resist the devil or submit to the devil and resist God.

There are four types of marriages:

The husband has submitted to God and the wife has submitted to God. This relationship is characterized by putting the other’s needs first. The atmosphere of the marriage will be pure, peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. It doesn’t mean everything will always be smooth and free of conflict, but it does mean God is present, at work in both people and the ultimate goal is to please God and advance His kingdom. Together.

The husband has not submitted to God and the wife has not submitted to God. In this relationship, both husband and wife are striving to get their needs met first. This type of relationship is “earthly, unspiritual, of the devil.” There will be envy and selfish ambition, resulting in “disorder and every evil practice.” Does it mean there will never be moments of happiness? No, but this type of marriage will always fall short of God’s intended design, because it’s based on worldly, not godly principles. And most likely, this marriage will fail to last.

The husband has submitted to God, but the wife has not submitted to God. This is a marriage being lived out under conflicting worldviews. The husband is putting God before himself, but the wife is putting herself before God. The husband will most likely feel frustrated by having certain desires, and even needs, go unmet. As far as experiencing all that God intends for them both individually and as a couple, it’s like having a 6-cylinder car that’s only firing on three cylinders. It’ll run, but it’s a slow, rough ride and not very enjoyable.

The husband has not submitted to God, but the wife has submitted to God. Same situation as above, but because the husband is charged with providing leadership in the family and is not, the long-term consequences are worse in this situation. It’s not just the marriage that’s effected, but the children and successive generations.

Sadly, when one spouse chooses to not submit to God, it makes life much more difficult for the spouse who has chosen to live according to God’s ways. The sin of the prideful spouse infects the entire marriage.

Not living in submission to God doesn’t always have to look like active rebellion. It can also manifest as passive indifference. One spouse may be trying to walk obediently with God, but still be indifferent to a spouse’s needs. He or she may not even be aware of this until it is pointed out. Once it’s pointed out though, it becomes sinful to not lovingly meet the legitimate needs of the other.

The more opposite you are from your spouse the more awkward it will feel to express love in the way your spouse can receive it. And if you are not living in submission to God, then you will have little desire and no power to choose to love your spouse.

For example, if a wife is task-oriented, detailed and organized–she may feel more loved by a husband who comes home on time, balances the checkbook to the penny and takes out the garbage on time. If he ignores those things and instead writes her a love note and brings her flowers, she will probably feel misunderstood and even resentful.

The same is true of the wife who tirelessly keeps the house clean, cooks from scratch, does the laundry every night and has the household budget in line, but is so wiped out by 8:00 p.m. she has little energy left for her husband. It may be that he’d prefer dirty floors, piles of laundry and a sandwich for dinner if it means having an energetic wife at bedtime. Of course, the better scenario would be a husband who recognizes her desire to have a clean house and who helps out more with household chores, so she can relax both physically and emotionally.

Regardless of the situation you find yourself in today, the best response is always to submit to God. You can’t change your spouse, but you can cooperate with God to change you.

Submit to God, love your spouse with His power and trust Him to work in your spouse’s life.

Is God In Your Way?

One of the benefits of reading and studying the Old Testament is gaining an understanding of how God has worked in history. Put another way–we get to see what God is up to. We grasp the big picture. And that’s always helpful for me when I seem to get lost in either the details of life or the details of a particular passage of Scripture.

So what is God up to?

Well, He’s up to you and me.

He created us to live in friendship with Him. For reasons beyond my understanding, God loves us. The Person who spoke and the universe came into existence desires us. He wants us.

The eternal Creator of everything is crazy about you. He’s crazy about me. You and I actually matter to Him. Don’t miss that. It may be the single most amazing truth there is. You matter to God.

God isn’t far away and unconcerned. He hasn’t forgotten you. He isn’t too busy.

He’s close. He’s concerned. And He’s crazy in love with you.

Maybe the big picture story of the Old Testament is simply this:

There is a God who’s head over heels in love with us and gets jealous when we give our love to the world instead of Him. And so He lovingly and graciously opposes us when we turn away from Him.

That’s the message we find in James 4:6…

But He gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

We’re proud when we live life on our own terms, when we choose to go our own way. God clearly sets out a way for us to live and relate to Him. When we choose to do things our own way, He lovingly opposes us.

Are you experiencing God’s opposition today? Is He standing in your way to oppose you?

Is it possible to even know if God is opposing us?

When our goals are blocked we get frustrated, don’t we? We want something, but don’t get it. We desire something, but can’t have it. And so we feel frustrated. Left unchecked, frustration easily becomes anger or depression or both.

If you’re feeling angry or depressed, maybe it’s because your goal or desire is being blocked. By God. Because it’s not something He wants for you. It’s something you want for you, but He knows it’s not good or best. And so He very lovingly and graciously and patiently opposes you. He gets in your way.

Until you turn around and go His way.

The next verse in James says, “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.”

Maybe those frustrating circumstances or conflict-filled relationships are the result of going your own way. The answer? Submit to God. Turn back to Him. Surrender it all to Him.

And remember, “He gives us more grace.”

He will always give us the grace and the power to do whatever He calls us to do. He never gives a command without also giving the ability to carry it out.

Now I’m not suggesting that every difficulty we face is the result of God opposing us. Just as Satan is not behind every bad thing that happens. We live in a badly broken world. Bad stuff happens. Other people can do things to really wound us through no fault of our own.

Sometimes though, those long-lasting, frustrating circumstances are the result of our wrong choices. Remember the big picture–God created you for Himself. He’ll never be content with sharing you. He wants your complete devotion. He wants to be the object of your deepest desires. And He gets jealous when He’s not.

So rather than let us wander off in the wrong direction and get ourselves into even more trouble–He opposes us. For our own good. So we’ll turn back to Him.

Where are you at today? Frustrated? Angry? Discouraged? Even depressed?

Maybe the most powerful prayer you could pray is simply, “Lord, thank you for opposing me. I submit.”

The Sin of King Saul

Do you ever read about someone in the Bible and get frustrated with them? I guess that’s the kind way of saying it. Do you ever wonder what in the world that idiot was thinking?

I do. Over the past few days, I’ve felt that way about Saul, the first king over Israel.

This is a guy who had everything going for him. 1 Samuel 9:2 tells us Saul was “an impressive young man without equal among the Israelites–a head taller than any of the others.”

In 1 Samuel 10, Saul is anointed as king by Samuel who then tells Saul to go on ahead of him to a town called Gilgal. Samuel will follow along in seven days and offer sacrifices and tell Saul what he’s to do.

When Saul returns home after his encounter with Samuel, his uncle asks him what Samuel said to him. Saul fails to tell his uncle that he’s been anointed as king. I suppose you could call that humility, but I don’t think it is. It seems like the beginning of a pattern of shrinking back from responsibility, from stepping up to the calling God has placed on his life.

Later, when Samuel publicly brings the tribes of Israel out to indicate who has been chosen as king, the tribe of Benjamin (that’s Saul’s tribe) is chosen. Then each clan in that tribe is brought forth, and Saul’s clan is chosen. And finally, Saul is chosen from those men in his clan.

There’s a problem though–Saul’s nowhere to be found. So the people inquired of God, “Has the man come here yet?”

God answered them, “Yes, he has hidden himself among the baggage.”

What? He’s hidden himself among the baggage? That’s right. Saul was hiding. They had to go look for him.

Once Samuel explains to the people how this new kingship in Israel will work, he dismisses everyone to their homes. Saul returns to his home in Gibeah and was accompanied by “valiant men whose hearts God had touched.” But there were also some troublemakers who despised him. “But Saul kept silent.”

Are you seeing a pattern? He doesn’t step up. He hides. He keeps silent.

He’s not leading. He’s not accepting responsibility. He’s acting passively.

Um, I do that. Before I’m too hard on Saul, I need to take a look in the mirror. And as I do, I’m not sure I like what I see.

How about you?

There’s more though…

Remember when Samuel told Saul to wait seven days? I posted about it here. Basically, Saul waited, but not long enough. Saul didn’t have his eyes on God, they were on his circumstances. That will always lead to feeling fearful, worried or anxious. And that never results in doing what’s right or best according to God.

Saul disobeyed and offered the sacrifices on his own, which was not for him to do. Rather than fear God, he feared his circumstances.

Some time later, Samuel gives Saul instructions from God to attack the Amalekites. God is going to punish them for how they treated the nation of Israel in the past. God commands Saul to spare no one–not people, not animals, not anything.

Saul carried out the attack and did what God commanded. Well, almost. Saul spared the king of the Amalekites. And they also kept the best animals.

That’s when God tells Samuel He’s grieved He made Saul king. So the next morning, Samuel set out to meet Saul. When he reached him, Saul said, “The Lord bless you! I have carried out the Lord’s instructions.”

But Samuel said, “What then is this bleating of sheep in my ears? What is this lowing of cattle that I hear?”

Saul answered, “The soldiers brought them from the Amalekites; they spared the best of the sheep and cattle to sacrifice to the Lord your God, but we totally destroyed the rest.”

At one point, he tells Samuel that he kept the best animals because, “I was afraid of the people so I gave into them.”

What Saul does is make excuses. Eventually, he agrees with Samuel that he has sinned, but you still get the idea that he’s not truly grieved over what he’s done. He’s more sorry he got caught than sorry He disobeyed and grieved God.

Again, he’s not fearing God–this time he’s fearing the people.

I do that. I fear people. I fear their opinions or what they’ll think of me. And so like Saul, I will remain silent when I should speak up.

I don’t respect Saul and how he failed to lead well, accept responsibility and fulfill God’s call on his life, but before I’m too hard on Saul, I need to take inventory of my own life.

Do I get so focused on my circumstances that I lose sight of God…and as a result make sinful decisions?

Do I fear people more than I fear God? Does that lead me to be silent when I should speak the truth?

Do I make excuses when I fail to fully obey? Do I tend to view partial obedience as enough?

Do I hide from responsibility and act passively when I really need to be stepping up?

How about you?

Does God Want Us to Fail?

Before you answer, let’s look at some of the definitions from the Merriam-Webster Dictionary:

• to lose strength: weaken <her health was failing>
• to fade or die away <until our family line fails>
• to stop functioning normally <the patient’s heart failed>
• to fall short <failed in his duty>
• to be unsuccessful <the marriage failed>
• to become bankrupt or insolvent

I’m going with the answer, “yes,” God wants us to fail. Based on the definitions above, here’s why:

God wants us to lose strength and understand we’re weak, so that we’ll also learn we “…can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:13) If we insist on trying to follow Jesus in our own strength, God will let us fail. He’s not in the business of blessing our plans, but He will give us strength to do whatever He calls us to do.

God wants us, our natural selves, to die. He said, “And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.” (Luke 14:27) Life is not about achieving our goals, accumulating wealth and having a good time. It’s about pursuing God’s goals, storing up treasure in heaven and experiencing the love, joy and peace of God.

God wants us to stop functioning normally, so we can start functioning supernaturally. Paul wrote to the church in Rome:

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:1-2)

Do you want to know God’s good, perfect and pleasing will for your life? It’s the result of offering yourself to Him and no longer “functioning normally” as the world does. We must choose to no longer conform to the pattern of this world, but to instead be transformed by the renewing of our minds. In other words, we must learn to think like God. That comes from having our minds saturated with His word.

God wants us to understand we’ve already fallen short of his holy standard. We chose to live life on our terms, not His. We went our own way. We rebelled against the sovereign King of the universe. Paul said, “…for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23) Our only recourse is to accept the forgiveness that Christ offers.

God wants us to be unsuccessful whenever we choose to pursue our own plans. It’s always good to remember that it’s not about you. It’s not about me. My goals and plans and dreams aren’t relevant…unless they’re ones God has given me. Only then does He want me to be successful. Even that is conditional though–God wants me to be successful in achieving His goals in His strength and in His ways. Not my goals. Not my strength. Not my ways.

God wants me to know I’m spiritually bankrupt. Jesus said, “God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.” (Matthew 5:3 NLT) The poor Jesus is referring to are the ones who realize their need for Him, not simply those who lack financial resources. We are bankrupt. We’re broke. We’re totally dependent on God for everything.

Are you experiencing a season of failure? Things just aren’t working out? Can’t catch a break?

Maybe God is allowing you to fail. Not to punish you or humiliate you, but to teach you and to bless you. He knows true life is found only in Him. Not in money. Not in a career. Not in sex. Not in a relationship.

In Him alone.

So why would He grant success in the pursuits that only move us away from finding our life in Him?

Failure isn’t permanent or terminal. Failure is a stepping stone to greater intimacy with God and greater fruitfulness in His kingdom.

The writer of Hebrews said, “Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons.” (Hebrews 12:7)

Your current failure or hardship is God treating you as His child, a child He loves deeply and for whom He only desires the very best. Seek Him. Get to know Him better. Trust Him.

Ultimately, He wants you to be successful in everything He calls you to do. And He will always provide the strength and wisdom you need to accomplish His will.

Where’s God When You Need Him?

I just finished reading through the Old Testament books of Judges and Ruth. They both take place during the same time period in Israel’s history.

In Judges, we get a look at all of the various people who led Israel during the time from about 1382 to 1043 BC, including Deborah, Gideon and Samson. These were dark times in Israel’s history as they continually turned their backs on God and experienced His rebuke.

In Ruth, we’re introduced to one family and all of the pain, confusion and hardship they endured. It’s a powerful story with a great twist at the end. Be sure to read it–it’s only four chapters.

What strikes me as I read about the lives of these men and women is that their stories are always being played out in the context of a much bigger story. And that’s true with you and me also.

There’s God’s story and there’s our story, which is also part of God’s story. Your story and my story are sub-plots. We’re not the main story. God is.

In Ruth’s case, she lived in the country of Moab–just east of Israel. Because of a famine in Bethlehem, a man named Elimelech left there and went to live in Moab with his wife Naomi and their two sons. Eventually, Elimelech dies and the two sons marry Moabite women. Ruth is one of these two women.

About ten years after leaving Bethlehem, both of the sons die also. That’s when Naomi gets word that the famine in Bethlehem has ended, so she decides to go home. Ruth insists on going with her so these two widows set out for Bethlehem.

In a period of ten years, Naomi has gone from living in the Promised Land, being married and being the mother of two sons to living in a foreign country, losing a husband, losing both sons and now returning home unhappy, unfulfilled and feeling bitter about life.

How do we know she feels this way? When she arrives in Bethlehem, she tells people not to call her Naomi, but to call her Mara, which means “bitter.”

It would be hard to blame her, right? It’s been a pretty rough ten years. There had to be many times on that road back to Bethlehem that she thought, “Where’s God when you need Him?”

Have you ever felt that way?

I have. Lots of times. I’ve been angry, confused and bitter. I’ve wondered where God was and why He wasn’t helping. You might feel that way today.

Your marriage is in trouble.

Your child won’t listen to you.

You just lost your job or your house or both.

You desperately want a child, but can’t get pregnant and it doesn’t help that the unmarried teenage girl can.

The diagnosis came back. It’s not good and not what you expected.

So where’s God when we need Him?

Let’s step back into the lives of Naomi and Ruth again and see what we learn…

Once back in Bethlehem, Ruth meets a close relative of Naomi’s deceased husband. This man, named Boaz, has the right to purchase the property owned by Naomi’s husband and sons, which he does. And part of the deal is that Ruth becomes his wife.

God is working out His bigger story, but He’s also caring for Naomi and Ruth.

Eventually, Boaz and Ruth have a son, named Obed. When he is grown, Obed and his wife give birth to a son, named Jesse. Years later, Jesse becomes the father of David. King David.

And about a thousand years later, Jesus, the Savior of the world, is born in the line of King David.

Naomi couldn’t have known that was going to happen. Neither did Ruth. God knew though. He was always working in history to bring about His bigger story, His master plan to save the world.

Do you know how your present difficulties may be used by God one day? No, but He does. He sees your pain and suffering and none of it will be wasted. As you trust Him and persevere, He is conforming you to His image and using your circumstances to advance His kingdom.

No, you can’t see it, but He can. Just keep believing Him.

He’s not just the God of the big story, He’s the God of your story. He has a good plan for you. His love for you will never fail. When you seek Him, you will find Him.

Naomi felt bitter because she thought God was against her. I get that. I’ve felt that way. It’s just not true though. God is never against us. He’s always for us. We just need to remember there’s always a bigger story being played out. And we have a part in it. Our current, painful, confusing circumstances are part of God’s bigger story.

We don’t have to become bitter. That happens when we focus only on what we see and feel. Genuine joy and peace are ours when we choose to keep our eyes on God and trust that He is good and that He is working things out for our good and His ultimate glory.

Where is God when we need Him?

He’s here with us. He can be trusted, even when all hell is breaking loose. He is not the cause of your pain or difficulties, but He can use them to accomplish His purposes in your life and in the bigger story.

Our part is to walk faithfully with Him and not give up. Naomi and Ruth could have given up. On life and on God. But they didn’t.

In the closing scene of Ruth, we see Naomi holding Obed in her lap, caring for him. There’s no way she could have known she was holding the grandfather of King David.

God has a good plan for you. Keep trusting Him. Keep seeking Him. Keep obeying Him. You cannot possibly imagine all the good He’s going to do for you and through you, if only you will keep walking with Him.

How Quickly Do You Forget?

I’ve become very good at forgetting. I can forget why I walked into a room. I can start a task, get distracted, and an hour later remember what I was originally going to do. A couple weeks ago, I forgot my oldest daughter’s wedding anniversary.

Those things aren’t good, but there’s a type of forgetting that’s far worse. It’s an intentional forgetting. Maybe a better term for it is ignoring. And I guess when carried to the extreme, it’s really called rebellion.

Right before the nation of Israel is going to enter the Promised Land, Moses reminds them of their history and gives them their final instructions from God. He’s reminding them of things and teaching them things they’ll need to remember once they cross the Jordan River to take possession of the land of Canaan.

In Deuteronomy 8, he tells them:

When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the LORD your God for the good land he has given you. Be careful that you do not forget the LORD your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, then your heart will become proud and you will forget the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. He led you through the vast and dreadful desert, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions. He brought you water out of hard rock. He gave you manna to eat in the desert, something your fathers had never known, to humble and to test you so that in the end it might go well with you. You may say to yourself, “My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.” But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your forefathers, as it is today.

If you ever forget the LORD your God and follow other gods and worship and bow down to them, I testify against you today that you will surely be destroyed. Like the nations the LORD destroyed before you, so you will be destroyed for not obeying the LORD your God.

Soon after speaking these words to Israel, Moses dies, and Joshua leads them into the Promised Land. And for a time, Israel remembers and obeys. For a time.

After the death of Joshua, there was no one to lead Israel and they fell into a period of several hundred years where they forgot God. They ignored Him. They rebelled against Him. This period in their history is recorded in the book of Judges.

After one period of peace, it says, “Again the Israelites did evil in the eyes of the Lord, and for seven years He gave them into the hands of the Midianites.” (Judges 6:1)

Israel eventually cries out to God for help and He rescues them by using Gideon and three hundred men to defeat an army of over 100,000. During Gideon’s lifetime, Israel once again enjoyed a period of peace for 40 years.

It doesn’t last though.

“No sooner had Gideon died than the Israelites again prostituted themselves to the Baals.” (Judges 8:33)

Do you ever wonder what in the world these people were thinking? Wasn’t it clear to them that things were better when they walked according to God’s ways? How could they so quickly forget what God had done for them?

Um, I do that. I forget. But again, that’s the kind word. I ignore, I rebel.

It’s easy to cry out to God in the desert, isn’t? It’s uncomfortable. We have needs. We want relief.

But when we enter the good land or when there are extended seasons of peace and provision, we tend to prostitute ourselves to our pleasures and distractions and other interests.

Like Israel, I forget. Do you?

So what are we to do? Is there any way out of the “cry out to God, experience His help, then forget Him,” cycle?

I think there is, but it requires a new priority and a new source of power.

If our priority is comfort or security or peace or pleasant circumstances, then once we have that, we will forget God. We won’t feel the urgency to seek Him. Why? Because we have from Him what we want.

We need a new priority. One that doesn’t change based on circumstances or feelings. Our priority needs to be a simple one. A very simple one. It simply needs to be to grow deeper in our friendship with God. Whether things are good or bad or somewhere in between, our goal doesn’t change. We want a deeper friendship with God. Period.

We also need a new source of power. Our own strength won’t cut it. We need God’s power. And that comes from the Holy Spirit. In Ephesians 1, Paul writes:

I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.

The Israelites didn’t have the Holy Spirit living in them, but if you have placed your faith in Christ, you do. You have the full power of God living in you. And we most fully experience His power when we most fully surrender.

So how quickly do you forget God?

If your answer is “pretty quick,” then it’s a sign you need a new priority and a new source of power.

How Much of What You Think About is True?

I was just doing a little research today to see how many thoughts the average person has each day. Opinions vary widely. One source said 2,400. Another said 55,000 and another 70,000. Interestingly, the article that said 2,400 also said that world-class athletes have less thoughts, which leads to greater focus. Or would it be greater focus leads to less thoughts?

My point though is that whether the number is 2,400 or 70,000 or somewhere in between, you and I do a lot of thinking.

So how much of what you think about is actually true? A related question, and just as important, is this: how much of what you think about do you think is true?

Let’s start with the last question.

I’m going to say that you and I tend to believe that most of what we think about is actually true. Whether it is or not. We just assume that most of our thoughts are right ones. If we knew them to be false, we wouldn’t keep thinking them, would we?

For example…

We think God is disappointed with us. He’s not, but we think He is, so we keep thinking it and then don’t feel right about approaching Him.

A young woman thinks if she has sex with her boyfriend, he’ll be more committed to her. Of course, it didn’t work with the last boyfriend or the one before that, but that doesn’t stop her from thinking it. More likely, the opposite is true.

A football player keeps thinking about the mistakes he could make that would cost his team the game. His confidence suffers and so does his performance.

A guy thinks that looking at pornography is harmless fun, but doesn’t realize he’s falling into a trap that will soon become an addiction. If he knew he’d soon be addicted, he might not be so quick to do it.

Or maybe it’s just all the subtle little thoughts we hardly pay attention to any more because we’ve completely convinced ourselves they’re true: I’m not good enough. I’m not pretty. I’m not smart. I always fail. I’ll never change. God won’t come through for me. I’ll never make it.

You get the point. We tend to think that most of our thoughts are true. That’s why we keep thinking them and giving them more power over us.

Our thoughts are the catalyst behind our emotions. I just don’t suddenly feel anxious–my thoughts cause that feeling. Fear or worry don’t just appear from nowhere–I give birth to them by what I think about, by what I believe is true.

Don’t believe everything you think. If even just 10% of our 2,400 thoughts are wrong, that means in any given day, we have 240 wrong thoughts. That’s not so bad if you thought it was going to be sunny, but it rained instead or you thought the Cowboys would win, but they lost.

The problem comes when we consistently have wrong thoughts about God, about ourselves, about others and about this life. From my own experience, the more I dwell on a wrong thought about God or myself, the stronger it becomes. It begins to exert more power and control over me.

Of course, the opposite can also be true. As I think about and believe the truth about God and myself, I begin to experience more of the life God intends for me. I experience more peace and less worry.

So how do we know which thoughts are true and which aren’t?

Ultimately, our only hope is in God’s word. There is no other reliable source of truth. Now of course if you think the rash on your arm is skin cancer, then the wise thing to do would be to see a doctor. Let her examine you and tell you the truth.

But most of our thoughts don’t need to be tested by a doctor. They need to be tested by God.

So how do we practically do that?

In yesterday’s post, I talked about developing a relationship with the Holy Spirit. That’s step one. There’s no substitute for having God Himself living inside us revealing truth to us. The Holy Spirit is our teacher, counselor and helper. He will never leave us or fail us. You can always trust Him to reveal the truth about you, God and this life.

The Bible is unlike any other book that will ever be written, because the Author Himself lives inside everyone who has placed their faith in Christ. There are many good Christian books, but those authors aren’t present with us as we read. And their words are not without error. We must allow God’s word to fill our minds and change how we think.

The Holy Spirit and the Word of God are a powerful combination. As you invest time reading the Bible, the Holy Spirit can speak to you and teach you and counsel you. He can cause a verse to jump off the page. He can guide you to promises He has for you. He alone can renew your mind. He can reveal wrong thought patterns you’ve held onto for years and replace them with truth.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. (Philippians 4:4-9)

We can’t present our requests to God and then go right back to our wrong thoughts. We can’t just let our minds dwell on whatever they want to. We present our requests and then actively think about truth. We ask the Holy Spirit for His help. We spend time in God’s word to counteract the wrong way of thinking we’re bombarded with from the world each day.

Why not begin to question some of what you think about. Even those thoughts you’ve had for a long time. Those might be the ones that are giving you the most trouble.

The Holy Spirit. The Word of God. And choosing to think about the truth. It’s the only way.