I love roller coasters. I love the anticipation of that big first drop. I love that feeling of being out of control. And I love the speed. Now I can love all those things because ultimately I trust the ride is safe. Even though it’s a tremendous thrill, I have confidence that I will make it through to the end of the ride.
My default mode or what I believe about roller coasters is: enjoy the ride because you’re going to make it out alive.
You and I also have a default mode for processing life. We have certain ways of responding to people, circumstances, difficulties, surprises, disappointments, etc. If we do nothing to change, we’ll most likely continue to respond the way we always have.
There’s a lot that goes into determining our default settings. Parents, friends, teachers and coaches had a part in setting them for us. So did the media we’ve been exposed to and the books we’ve read. Without consciously thinking about it–we’ve developed a default mode for how we process life and make our choices.
I’ve noticed something about my default mode that I really don’t like. When faced with bad news or even just the unknown, I worry, I fear the worst and I doubt God’s goodness. That’s my default mode. And it looks like it was the same mode the disciples struggled with.
Mark 4:35-41 says…
That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”
He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”
They were terrified and asked each other, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!”
Some of these guys were experienced fishermen so they’d experienced bad weather before, but this must have been a really bad storm. There’s no record of anyone saying, “Hey guys, calm down! It’s not that bad. We can ride this out.”
This was a bad storm and they thought they were about to drown. Now what would have changed everything for them, what would have helped reset their default mode, was knowing that the one who was in complete control and who cared for them was asleep on a cushion at the back of the boat.
But they either doubted His power or His care because they wake Jesus up and ask Him a question we’ve probably all asked or at least wondered, “Don’t you care?”
It seems that our default mode, well, I won’t speak for you…it seems that my default mode is to question God’s goodness when circumstances are bad. I allow the severity of the situation to completely obscure the simple fact that God really does care for me.
Even when we don’t see Him doing anything, He is still good and He still cares. We will never escape His grasp. We will never be forgotten. We will never have to go it alone.
So Jesus got up and told the storm to be quiet and still. And it was.
What the disciples didn’t know was that their hearts and minds could have been quiet and still even in the midst of the furious storm. They didn’t have to wait for the storm to be quiet before they could be.
And that should really be my default mode when it comes to life. Sure, there will be tough times and painful circumstances and things I won’t understand, but because God is good and He cares and He’s in control, I can trust Him to see me safely through whatever ups and downs and twists and turns come my way.
Panic. Fear. Worry. Doubt. Discouragement. That’s my default mode. I wish I could say that resetting it is easy, but it’s not, at least it hasn’t been for me. Developing a new default mode requires ongoing effort and time in God’s word to believe the truth–that God is good, that God cares and God is in control.
Have you ever heard of someone having heart cancer? I haven’t.
Lung cancer. Prostate cancer. Breast cancer. All kinds of cancer, but not heart cancer.
In a review of 12,000 autopsies, only seven people were found to have had a cardiac tumor. The Mayo Clinic only sees about one case a year. So it’s a very rare cancer, at least medically. But spiritually, I think it’s a different story. Spiritual heart cancer is pretty common. It’s called pride. And I have it.
I really didn’t think I had it, but I do. The symptoms tend to mask themselves as other things that actually look healthy. On the surface, everything might look good. Underneath though, when we start to examine motives and hidden thoughts, we find this deadly spiritual cancer wreaking havoc.
I don’t know how it might show up in your life, but I’ll give you some examples of how it does in mine.
My pride, this spiritual heart cancer, causes me to fear others more than I fear God. It makes me to want to look better than I actually am. It causes me to value my reputation–what others think and know about me–more than I value what God thinks and knows about me.
In essence, my reputation is my idol. It’s what I worship. It’s what I have to preserve. It’s what comes before everything else.
So how does all that play out in my life?
Well, because I want to be thought well of and to be liked, I will hold back from being honest. Why tell you what I really think and cause tension or conflict? Rather than speaking the truth in love, I won’t speak at all or I’ll tell you what you want to hear. And that’s neither truthful nor loving.
When it comes to my desire for a strong marriage and family–is it because it pleases God or because I want to look good to others? And what is my reason for working out? To be healthy or to simply look better? When I give to others–is it because I’m being generous or because I want to be liked?
The truth is that nothing we do is from a totally pure heart. I’m not talking about that though. I’m talking about pride that has begun to rule in my heart, not just taint my motives a little.
This morning, I was reading in Mark 2 and 3. Jesus has entered the town of Capernaum and experiences some confrontations with the Pharisees. I encourage you to read the passage. It’s very fascinating to note the reaction the Pharisees have to what Jesus is doing.
The Pharisees are watching Jesus closely, waiting to catch Him breaking the law. Every time He does something they don’t approve of–they confront Him either directly or indirectly. And each time they confront Him, they become more bold in how they do it until Jesus turns the tables and confronts them. When He does, it says:
He looked around at them in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was completely restored. Then the Pharisees went out and began to plot with the Herodians how they might kill Jesus.
The more I think about the Pharisees, the more I identify with them. These were guys who were trying to do the right thing. They were trying to please God. Outwardly, everything seemed fine. But the problem was their motives were all wrong. Their hearts were far from God. They did things to be noticed by others, not to genuinely please God.
They were filled with a spiritual cancer of the heart. Pride was killing them and they didn’t even know it.
Maybe pride manifests itself differently in your life than it does in mine.
Maybe you always have to have things your way. And so you manipulate. And complain. And criticize.
Maybe your pride causes you to think too highly of yourself. You overestimate your strengths. You don’t listen to others. You don’t solicit feedback. And if others give it, you dismiss it. They really don’t know what they’re talking about, right?
Or maybe you have to be in control. You have a plan for your life and you’re going to see it through. God is mainly here to help you accomplish your goals. It doesn’t occur to you that God isn’t interested in your plans or your goals. He’s interested in you living in submission to Him and doing whatever He calls you to do.
If you’re like me, your first thought is that pride really isn’t a problem for you. And that’s what I would have said a week ago. But my heart is not only prideful, it’s also deceitful. “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9)
I wish I could say I have three action steps to deal with a prideful heart. But I don’t. I need the Great Physician to heal me, but I just don’t know what the course of treatment will look like yet.
Pride is like a cancer that has spread to multiple organs, so I don’t think there’s a quick fix.
Have you ever been feeling fine one minute and the next minute you feel anxious or worried or at least a little unsettled?
Does that happen to you? It does to me.
My feelings or mood can change in an instant without any apparent change in my circumstances. One moment I’m fine. The next moment I’m fed up with it all.
Peace gives way to worry.
Contentment turns to restlessness.
Joy fades and is replaced by gloom.
And this can all happen in just about the blink of an eye. But why? What can cause my feelings to change so quickly?
It’s my thoughts. My thoughts are what can change so quickly. And they have a wide-open, direct path to my feelings. Thoughts create feelings.
It’s easy to verify this. Just watch a scary movie. It’s late at night. The babysitter is alone in the house. She’s watching the news and learns a murderer has escaped from a nearby prison. Then the power goes out and she hears a noise. She quietly makes her way to the kitchen and discovers the door has blown open.
How are you feeling as you watch? Nervous? How would you feel if you were watching the movie while all alone…late at night…while babysitting? Anxious? Scared?
The movie is acting as a stimulus, which is producing a response of certain feelings in us.
Or is it?
The movie is the stimulus, but there’s a step in the process before we get to the feelings response. And that missing step is our thoughts about what we’re seeing on the screen.
As we watch, we begin to invest in the character. We wonder (think about) what will happen next? We start to anticipate the murderer showing up and breaking into the house. Our imagination (mind) starts to take over.
And those thoughts produce feelings of nervousness or fear.
Want your feelings to change? Just change your thoughts. Easier said than done, I know. But it is possible. It can be done. God wouldn’t give us a command like, “Do not be anxious about anything…” if it wasn’t somehow possible to obey it.
That passage in Philippians 4 goes on to say, “…but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” How do we deal with anxious feelings? We pray. We offer God our thanksgiving. We present our requests to Him. In other words, we believe God, know that what He says is true and then take action.
And then Paul writes, “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Read the rest of the passage to see what else Paul says about thinking.
We can’t change our feelings unless we change our thoughts. And changing our thoughts isn’t very easy unless we also change our actions. And changing our actions will almost always require faith. We must believe God.
So how might this play out in marriage? Maybe for a husband who says, “I’ve fallen out of love with my wife. The spark is gone.”
What would you tell him?
Some people would suggest counseling. And that may be very helpful.
Some would jump to getting a divorce. You’re not happy? Get out. Get on with your life.
But what if the feelings are just a symptom? What if the real problem is a wrong thought? And what if the way to begin correcting the wrong thought is to believe God and start taking action by faith?
Ephesians 5:33 says, “…each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself…”
Do you think God is telling husbands to feel something? “Alright you guys, start feeling warm, affectionate feelings toward your wives!”
That wouldn’t really work, would it? Even if that’s what it meant, we’d still have to change our thoughts. If I told you to feel sad, you’d have to think sad thoughts. The same goes for feeling angry or scared or anxious. Again, thoughts produce feelings. So what needs to change is our thoughts. And those will change as we believe God and start to act in line with His word.
So what about the husband (or wife) who has fallen out of love?
If he’ll listen, he needs to know that he can fall back into love by starting to love his wife. Love is a verb. You do loving things and the feelings will follow along. Maybe not immediately, but they’ll come.
He can begin to serve her and sacrifice for her. He can put her needs before his own. He can engage her in conversation. He can take the initiative to meet her needs in the bedroom. He can cook dinner and clean the kitchen. He can prepare a hot bath for her while he helps the kids with their homework.
Will he feel like doing those things? Not at first. But we’re not talking about feelings, are we?
We’re talking about the verb, love. And verbs are action words. Run. Kick. Laugh. Climb. Tickle. Love. All actions.
Believe God and walk by faith. Begin to love and think differently. Change your thoughts. Stop thinking love is just a feeling that you’ve “fallen out of.” You didn’t fall out of love. You acted your way out of it.
Who or what shapes your worldview? By “worldview”, I simply mean how you look at life, the lens through which you the view the world around you and make your choices.
For example, how do you decide how to spend your money? How do you decide if it even is your money?
What is your view of sex? Is it a pleasure to be enjoyed with whomever you want, whenever you want? Is it just between a man and a woman?
How do you determine who you will vote for? Are there any principles you won’t compromise on?
What about war? Is it wrong? Is it ever justified?
What about abortion? Evolution? Suicide? The poor? The wealthy? What are your views?
And what are the primary influences on the worldview you’ve adopted?
Maybe it’s not something you’ve given much thought, but stop for a moment and think about it. Who is shaping your belief system?
Most of us would give some credit to our parents (either good or bad), our teachers and our friends. There are many other influences though, like television programs, commercials, news sources (CNN, newspapers, websites, etc.), government, books and magazines…and the list could go on.
What’s really interesting to me is an exchange Jesus has with Satan in Matthew 4 and what it can tell us about how our worldview is shaped. Jesus has been in the desert fasting for 40 days when Satan comes along and begins to tempt Him. The final temptation went like this:
Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.”
Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’”
Satan offers to give Jesus all the kingdoms of the world if He’ll just bow down and worship him. Jesus rebukes Satan and quotes a verse from Deuteronomy 6 about worshiping and serving only God.
Did you notice that Jesus doesn’t just laugh at Satan and say something like, “You?! You think you’re going to give me all these kingdoms? They’re not even yours to give!”
Jesus doesn’t do that. Apparently, Satan had the authority to give those kingdoms. 1 John 5:19 says, “We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one.”
Something big happened in the garden. God had given Adam and Eve responsibility to manage planet earth for Him. They were to be fruitful, increase on the earth, subdue it and rule over the animal kingdom. When they disobeyed God and instead listened to Satan, it’s as if the title deed to earth was signed over to Satan.
Is God ultimately in charge? Absolutely. But I believe God places an extremely high value on our ability to make choices. (I talked about that in my last post.) God doesn’t step in and override our decisions every time we make a bad choice. He doesn’t do it with me. He doesn’t do it with you. And He didn’t do it with Adam and Eve.
Unfortunately, their choice put Satan in a position to heavily influence this world. John even tells us the whole world is under his control. Governments, media outlets, schools, the internet, etc.–they are all a part of this world system that is under the enemy’s control. That doesn’t mean there aren’t good people involved, but this world system is generally bent away from God.
So let’s go back to my original question. Who or what shapes your worldview? Is it primarily shaped by this world system?
Or are you filling your mind with God’s word, so that He is the One who is shaping your worldview?
We live in enemy territory for now. It won’t always be that way. One day Christ will return and set things right, but until then, the whole world is under the control of the evil one. And he will do everything within his power to encourage and entice you to make choices that move you away from God, not toward Him, to live your life according to the world’s values, not God’s.
God’s kingdom and this world system stand opposed to each other. They operate on very different values and principles.
So which set of values and principles are you living by?
If you spend little time in God’s word, then we already have the answer.
It’s less than two weeks until Christmas. So how’s your Christmas spirit holding up? Do you feel connected to God? Or has the busyness of the season already robbed you of what little joy and peace you had?
Sometimes I think the root of our problem is the simple fact that we practically live like atheists or agnostics. And I’ll be honest, I don’t know how atheists and agnostics do it. How do they keep going? Even more, why do they keep going?
If you’re convinced there is no God (atheism) or you neither believe nor disbelieve in God (agnosticism), what’s the point? Of anything?
Why go to work? Why try to do the right thing? Why help someone less fortunate? Why tell the truth? Why remain faithful to your spouse? Why keep living?
Why? Why? Why?
What’s the point if there is no God?
If you believe there is no God and that the theory of evolution explains our existence, then there is no meaning or purpose or point to anything in the universe. If everything that exists came from nothing, then everything is an accident. Pure, random chance. And there can be no point to an accident. By definition, an accident lacks intention or purpose.
But if there is a God, then there is a point. Our lives do have meaning and purpose. We were created with intentionality. There’s a reason we’re here.
And if there’s a reason, then is there anything more important than understanding what it is?
In other words, if you exist for a reason, if there’s a God who created you with a purpose in mind, then it would seem like the wise thing to do to discover what it is and then live according to it.
I believe the Bible provides the answers to those questions. In it, we discover the One who created the universe. He has revealed Himself to us. He has shown us what He’s like and what’s important to Him.
“In the past God spoke to our forefathers through the prophets at many times and in various ways, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom he made the universe. The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven.” (Hebrews 1:1-3)
Jesus is “the exact representation of his being.” In other words, Jesus is God.
In the first couple of chapters of Luke, we find the story of Jesus’ birth. For many of us, it’s a familiar story. Mary is virgin and gets a visit from an angel who tells her that she’s going to give birth. He tells her that God Himself will be the child’s father.
Do those last few sentences amaze you? Or has the familiar become boring and almost meaningless? If it has, maybe it’s time to stop what you’re doing and re-visit the story.
Think about it, God made the conscious decision to step out of heaven and become one of us. He was born to a virgin in the town of Bethlehem, just as it had been prophesied. He came to reveal to us what He’s like and to pay our penalty for sin.
It really is an amazing story.
Do you believe it though? Do you really believe it? Will it effect how you live today? How you speak? How you spend your time? How you spend your money?
It just doesn’t make sense to believe God stepped into human history and then live as if He doesn’t even exist. He wants us to know Him and experience His love for us. And He wants us to love Him in return.
It’s what God has always wanted. Friendship. With you.
He loves everyone. He gives grace to everyone. But does He treat everyone alike?
The answer is “no.” God treats us differently.
If you read John 11, you’ll see that Mary and Martha each said the same thing to Jesus, but His response to them was very different. And think about how differently Jesus spoke to the Pharisees as opposed to the woman caught in adultery.
And then in Luke 1, we read about a couple of encounters with the angel, Gabriel. First, Gabriel shows up in the temple when Zechariah the priest is burning incense. Gabriel tells him his prayers have been heard and that his wife Elizabeth will give birth to a baby.
Because she is an old woman at this point and has never been able to conceive, Zechariah asks, “How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is well along in years.”
That’s a reasonable question, right? You’re an old man and you’re married to a wife who is “well along in years.” You’d want to know how this was going to happen, how you could be sure. After all, you wouldn’t want to run outside and start telling everyone without having some assurance. How many times over the years had Elizabeth gotten her hopes up only to be disappointed again? There’s no way you’d want to do that to her.
Gabriel responds by saying, “I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and to tell you this good news. And now you will be silent and not able to speak until the day this happens, because you did not believe my words, which will come true at their proper time.”
Zechariah gives him some assurance, but there were consequences to his unbelief.
And then there’s Mary (not the sister of Martha, but the mother of Jesus). Gabriel comes and speaks to her as well. He tells her that even though she’s a virgin, she’s going to have a baby. Quite naturally, Mary wants to know how this is going to happen.
So Gabriel responds, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be barren is in her sixth month. For nothing is impossible with God.”
That’s interesting to me. Zechariah asks a question and he can’t speak. Mary asks a question and Gabriel explains things to her. Why does God treat them differently?
Could it be that more was required of Zechariah?
He was a priest. Presumably, he had walked with and served God for many years. Mary, on the other hand, was a teenage virgin with a heart for God.
When Gabriel responds to Zechariah’s question, he begins with, “I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God…”
Standing in God’s presence. That’s powerful enough, but isn’t that also what a priest does when he ministers? Zechariah was in the temple burning incense in God’s presence.
I don’t want to read too much into this, but I can’t help thinking the bar was set higher for Zechariah. He was a priest. He’d been trained. He had opportunities for learning and study that Mary didn’t have. He ministered in God’s presence.
How about you and me?
If you’re reading this post, it means you have a computer and internet access. That means you have the Bible, in just about any translation you prefer, right at your finger tips. It means you can click over to iTunes and listen to great podcasts from Bible teachers like Mark Driscoll, Matt Chandler, Francis Chan, Charles Stanely, Tim Keller, etc.
To those who have been given much, much will be required.
We’re much more like Zechariah than we are Mary…and much will be required of us.
Waiting is one of the hardest aspects of walking with God. And since God never seems to be in a hurry, waiting is something we should not only get used to, but learn to embrace.
I won’t suggest I enjoy waiting. I don’t. But I do know it can be a rich, productive season, whether it lasts a day, a year or 40 years, like it did for Moses.
I have a friend who will undergo tests today in Houston to see if he is still cancer free. He had major surgery earlier this year to remove cancerous areas from his colon and liver. He’ll learn the results of the tests on Wednesday. Tonight and tomorrow will be a season of waiting. Two nights might not seem like a long time, but try waiting that long to find out if your cancer has returned.
Maybe you’ve also waited for test results. Or the return phone call after an interview. Or maybe you’ve waited for a spouse or a baby. I have two daughters who are married to men in the military. Each have had to wait for their husbands to return home.
It could be that you’re in a set of circumstances you’d rather not be in. You’re unemployed. You’re in a financial mess. Your marriage is falling apart. Your child continues to live in rebellion. Or you’re sick and the doctor can’t figure it out.
And you’ve prayed. You’ve cried out to God. And you’ve waited. And waited. And waited.
And you’ve wondered where God is and what He’s doing.
I’ve been there. It’s frustrating. It’s discouraging. It’s confusing.
Or, if we let it, the waiting can be a time of growth and greater intimacy with God. It can be a season that prepares us for what’s to come. Greater responsibility? Greater fruitfulness? Greater influence? Only God knows.
In Acts 7, Stephen is speaking before the Sanhedrin (a Jewish court):
23 “When Moses was forty years old, he decided to visit his fellow Israelites. 24 He saw one of them being mistreated by an Egyptian, so he went to his defense and avenged him by killing the Egyptian. 25 Moses thought that his own people would realize that God was using him to rescue them, but they did not. 26 The next day Moses came upon two Israelites who were fighting. He tried to reconcile them by saying, ‘Men, you are brothers; why do you want to hurt each other?’
27 “But the man who was mistreating the other pushed Moses aside and said, ‘Who made you ruler and judge over us? 28 Do you want to kill me as you killed the Egyptian yesterday?’ 29 When Moses heard this, he fled to Midian, where he settled as a foreigner and had two sons.
30 “After forty years had passed, an angel appeared to Moses in the flames of a burning bush in the desert near Mount Sinai. 31 When he saw this, he was amazed at the sight. As he went over to look more closely, he heard the Lord’s voice: 32 ‘I am the God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.’ Moses trembled with fear and did not dare to look.
33 “Then the Lord said to him, ‘Take off your sandals; the place where you are standing is holy ground. 34 I have indeed seen the oppression of my people in Egypt. I have heard their groaning and have come down to set them free. Now come, I will send you back to Egypt.’
35 “This is the same Moses whom they had rejected with the words, ‘Who made you ruler and judge?’ He was sent to be their ruler and deliverer by God himself, through the angel who appeared to him in the bush. 36 He led them out of Egypt and did wonders and miraculous signs in Egypt, at the Red Sea and for forty years in the desert.
When Moses was 40 years old, he decided to visit his fellow Israelites. He thought they would see him as the one to rescue them from the Egyptians. And then he commits murder. He decided. He thought. He killed. God wasn’t in it.
Clearly, this was not God’s timing or God’s ways. And so Moses flees. For 40 years. Until it’s God’s timing for him to return to Egypt and do things God’s way.
Look what happens though when it is God’s timing. The very same Moses they rejected is later sent back to them as the one God would use to deliver them from the hands of the Egyptians. Moses had the right idea–his timing was just off.
During your season of waiting, God will continue to work. You may not always see it, but He will never stop working. He will be working to mature you, to give you wisdom, to teach you His ways and to prepare you for what’s to come. He will be at work in your circumstances and in the lives of others.
When you lose sight of God, remember this: no matter what is happening, God will always be at work so you will know Him better and trust Him more. He will always be working for your good and His glory.
Maybe you have a dream or a desire–something you really believe God has put on your heart. But nothing is happening. There’s no forward progress. No end in sight to your current circumstances. God doesn’t seem to be cooperating.
As hard as this will be, let me encourage you to relax. Seek God with all your heart. Trust Him. Do everything He commands. And wait patiently.
What’s on your to-do list? Meetings at work? A lunch appointment? Errands to run? Groceries to buy? Phone calls to return? Emails to send?
How about all the tasks that never make it onto your to-do list, but have to be done anyway? Shower. Dress. Cook. Clean. Eat. Commute. Homework (yours or helping a child). Laundry.
Then there are activities we look forward to, things like: time with a friend, watching football, playing a game, going for a walk, sex and going to see a movie.
And we can’t forget the activity that probably consumes more of our week than anything else: sleeping.
If all of that isn’t enough to consume most of our time, we have things like the internet, smart phones and television to distract us and gobble up what remaining discretionary hours we have left.
So in all of this frenzied activity, it’s easy to lose sight of what’s true and what’s best. It’s easy to not even get around to asking the most basic question of all…
Why are we here?
Why are we on this tiny little planet we call Earth as it flies through space at 66,000 miles per hour? What are we doing here?
Are we just an accident? That’s what the evolutionists would have us believe. If they’re right, and I don’t believe they are, then there’s no point in asking any “Why?” questions. If we’re an accident, if we came about by pure chance, then we have no purpose. There’s no point to our existence. Never has been. Never will be.
If, on the other hand, the Bible is true, then there is a God who created the universe and everything in it. Including you. And the reason you are here is to live in friendship with the One who made you.
But it doesn’t do us, or God, any good if we were created to live in friendship with Him, but then go about our lives like it’s not true. How many of us get so wrapped up in our work, our possessions, our relationships, our hobbies and our TV shows that we’ve either forgotten or failed to realize that we were created for friendship with God?
Colossians 1:16-20 says:
For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.
Have you allowed this life to become so full of other things that it’s keeping you from the very reason you exist?
Unmet or conflicting desires can lead to fighting. When you put your own wants and desires before your spouse’s, there will inevitably be conflict.
The world’s plan is to put our own needs before our spouse’s needs. James 3:13-18, tells us this will be characterized by envy and selfish ambition. The result is “disorder and every evil practice.”
Patterns of living according to the world’s ways can run deep. What we learned as children from our parents can be very, very tough to unlearn or overcome. Continuing to live according to the world’s plans as an adult will only lead to a very unhealthy and ultimately unsuccessful marriage.
When I spend little time seeking God by reading His word and talking with Him, I will naturally follow the world’s plan for my life. I will pursue my plans, my goals and my desires. James 4:4 compares this type of living to committing adultery against God. When I choose to be a friend of the world, I become an enemy of God. And you never want to have God as your enemy.
Anger and/or depression may be a signal of a wrong or blocked desire or goal. Sometimes it’s a legitimate desire being blocked by a sinful spouse. Sometimes it’s an illegitimate desire being blocked by God. James 4:6 says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Yes, God opposes us when we choose to do things our own way and live according to our own plans and desires. Going our own way is the essence of pride.
Pride is what led to Satan’s rebellion against God. It is what leads to “disorder and every evil practice.” The only solution is found in James 4:7, “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” We will either submit to God and resist the devil or submit to the devil and resist God.
There are four types of marriages:
The husband has submitted to God and the wife has submitted to God. This relationship is characterized by putting the other’s needs first. The atmosphere of the marriage will be pure, peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. It doesn’t mean everything will always be smooth and free of conflict, but it does mean God is present, at work in both people and the ultimate goal is to please God and advance His kingdom. Together.
The husband has not submitted to God and the wife has not submitted to God. In this relationship, both husband and wife are striving to get their needs met first. This type of relationship is “earthly, unspiritual, of the devil.” There will be envy and selfish ambition, resulting in “disorder and every evil practice.” Does it mean there will never be moments of happiness? No, but this type of marriage will always fall short of God’s intended design, because it’s based on worldly, not godly principles. And most likely, this marriage will fail to last.
The husband has submitted to God, but the wife has not submitted to God. This is a marriage being lived out under conflicting worldviews. The husband is putting God before himself, but the wife is putting herself before God. The husband will most likely feel frustrated by having certain desires, and even needs, go unmet. As far as experiencing all that God intends for them both individually and as a couple, it’s like having a 6-cylinder car that’s only firing on three cylinders. It’ll run, but it’s a slow, rough ride and not very enjoyable.
The husband has not submitted to God, but the wife has submitted to God. Same situation as above, but because the husband is charged with providing leadership in the family and is not, the long-term consequences are worse in this situation. It’s not just the marriage that’s effected, but the children and successive generations.
Sadly, when one spouse chooses to not submit to God, it makes life much more difficult for the spouse who has chosen to live according to God’s ways. The sin of the prideful spouse infects the entire marriage.
Not living in submission to God doesn’t always have to look like active rebellion. It can also manifest as passive indifference. One spouse may be trying to walk obediently with God, but still be indifferent to a spouse’s needs. He or she may not even be aware of this until it is pointed out. Once it’s pointed out though, it becomes sinful to not lovingly meet the legitimate needs of the other.
The more opposite you are from your spouse the more awkward it will feel to express love in the way your spouse can receive it. And if you are not living in submission to God, then you will have little desire and no power to choose to love your spouse.
For example, if a wife is task-oriented, detailed and organized–she may feel more loved by a husband who comes home on time, balances the checkbook to the penny and takes out the garbage on time. If he ignores those things and instead writes her a love note and brings her flowers, she will probably feel misunderstood and even resentful.
The same is true of the wife who tirelessly keeps the house clean, cooks from scratch, does the laundry every night and has the household budget in line, but is so wiped out by 8:00 p.m. she has little energy left for her husband. It may be that he’d prefer dirty floors, piles of laundry and a sandwich for dinner if it means having an energetic wife at bedtime. Of course, the better scenario would be a husband who recognizes her desire to have a clean house and who helps out more with household chores, so she can relax both physically and emotionally.
Regardless of the situation you find yourself in today, the best response is always to submit to God. You can’t change your spouse, but you can cooperate with God to change you.
Submit to God, love your spouse with His power and trust Him to work in your spouse’s life.
One of the benefits of reading and studying the Old Testament is gaining an understanding of how God has worked in history. Put another way–we get to see what God is up to. We grasp the big picture. And that’s always helpful for me when I seem to get lost in either the details of life or the details of a particular passage of Scripture.
So what is God up to?
Well, He’s up to you and me.
He created us to live in friendship with Him. For reasons beyond my understanding, God loves us. The Person who spoke and the universe came into existence desires us. He wants us.
The eternal Creator of everything is crazy about you. He’s crazy about me. You and I actually matter to Him. Don’t miss that. It may be the single most amazing truth there is. You matter to God.
God isn’t far away and unconcerned. He hasn’t forgotten you. He isn’t too busy.
He’s close. He’s concerned. And He’s crazy in love with you.
Maybe the big picture story of the Old Testament is simply this:
There is a God who’s head over heels in love with us and gets jealous when we give our love to the world instead of Him. And so He lovingly and graciously opposes us when we turn away from Him.
That’s the message we find in James 4:6…
But He gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
We’re proud when we live life on our own terms, when we choose to go our own way. God clearly sets out a way for us to live and relate to Him. When we choose to do things our own way, He lovingly opposes us.
Are you experiencing God’s opposition today? Is He standing in your way to oppose you?
Is it possible to even know if God is opposing us?
When our goals are blocked we get frustrated, don’t we? We want something, but don’t get it. We desire something, but can’t have it. And so we feel frustrated. Left unchecked, frustration easily becomes anger or depression or both.
If you’re feeling angry or depressed, maybe it’s because your goal or desire is being blocked. By God. Because it’s not something He wants for you. It’s something you want for you, but He knows it’s not good or best. And so He very lovingly and graciously and patiently opposes you. He gets in your way.
Until you turn around and go His way.
The next verse in James says, “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.”
Maybe those frustrating circumstances or conflict-filled relationships are the result of going your own way. The answer? Submit to God. Turn back to Him. Surrender it all to Him.
And remember, “He gives us more grace.”
He will always give us the grace and the power to do whatever He calls us to do. He never gives a command without also giving the ability to carry it out.
Now I’m not suggesting that every difficulty we face is the result of God opposing us. Just as Satan is not behind every bad thing that happens. We live in a badly broken world. Bad stuff happens. Other people can do things to really wound us through no fault of our own.
Sometimes though, those long-lasting, frustrating circumstances are the result of our wrong choices. Remember the big picture–God created you for Himself. He’ll never be content with sharing you. He wants your complete devotion. He wants to be the object of your deepest desires. And He gets jealous when He’s not.
So rather than let us wander off in the wrong direction and get ourselves into even more trouble–He opposes us. For our own good. So we’ll turn back to Him.
Where are you at today? Frustrated? Angry? Discouraged? Even depressed?
Maybe the most powerful prayer you could pray is simply, “Lord, thank you for opposing me. I submit.”
Gregg Stutts - Executive Pastor of The Church at Arkansas in Fayetteville. Husband to Robyn and father to Rachel, Erica, Amy and Rob. On a continuing journey of believing God.
Gregg Stutts - Executive Pastor of The Church at Arkansas in Fayetteville. Husband to Robyn and father to Rachel, Erica, Amy and Rob. On a continuing journey of believing God.
