45 Ways to Slowly Kill Your Marriage
Posted: September 22nd, 2010 | Author: Gregg Stutts | Filed under: Relationships, Truth | Tags: believing God, Difficulties, discouragement, exercise, faith, fear, Fitness, forgiveness, God's word, grace, marriage, seeking God, sex | 13 Comments »In no particular order…
- Assume your way is right and your spouse’s way is wrong.
- Fail to discover or understand your spouse’s needs.
- If you happen to stumble upon your spouse’s needs, just don’t meet them.
- Never put yourself in your spouse’s shoes or try to see things from any perspective other than your own.
- Secretly view pornography or spend time in online chat rooms.
- Don’t ever talk about money, sex, children or your schedules.
- Never address your past–things like your parents divorce, abuse, addictions, etc. Just limp along emotionally damaged.
- Put your Bible somewhere out of sight, then try to forget where it is.
- Keep score of all the good things you do and all the bad things your spouse does.
- Tell your spouse, “This is just who I am. You should just accept me.”
- Take for granted everything your spouse does. Never express appreciation.
- Don’t resolve conflicts as they arise–let things build up.
- Develop as many friendships and interests apart from your spouse as you possibly can.
- Don’t be gracious or forgiving. Make your spouse pay.
- Avoid showing affection, including hugs, kisses and holding hands
- Erode trust by keeping secrets and telling little lies.
- Develop at least one strong relationship with someone of the opposite sex with whom you can share your marriage problems.
- Compare your spouse’s flaws and weaknesses with others’ strengths.
- Let yourself go physically by not exercising, never trying a new hairstyle, not showering or buying new clothes.
- Put all of your money and energy into the wedding day, but invest nothing in all the days after the wedding.
- Take advantage of every opportunity to get your feelings hurt.
- Limit sex to no more than once a week.
- Avoid texting, emailing or calling each other throughout the day.
- Accumulate as much credit card debt as quickly as possible.
- Criticize, correct and interrupt your spouse in front of others.
- Flirt with others, but not your spouse.
- Try to be as inattentive as possible. Television, the newspaper or a laptop are helpful distractions.
- You probably can’t avoid buying a Christmas gift, but you should never buy gifts just for no reason. Your spouse’s birthday should be recognized with a card only. Slip a $20 bill in it to make it worse.
- Develop routines and stick to them. Meals, dates and sex should be predictable. Boring if possible.
- Don’t read any books, listen to any podcasts or attend any conferences that could strengthen your marriage.
- Go to bed at different times.
- Keep your spouse insecure and on edge by occasionally mentioning divorce.
- Keep raising the bar and moving the target so your spouse will always feel like a failure.
- Place your work, your children and your hobbies above your marriage.
- Make mountains out of mole hills.
- Assume the worst about your spouse. Never give the benefit of the doubt.
- Fail to anticipate trials and difficulties in the following areas: finances, health, in-laws, child raising, communicating with each other, etc.
- If it’s absolutely necessary to apologize, then be sure it’s followed with the word “but.”
- Use absolute statements whenever possible. For example: “You never help around the house.” Or, “You’re always complaining.”
- If your spouse confronts you about something, even if it’s done in a nice way, be sure to have a list of grievances to counter with. Under no circumstances should you admit fault.
- Make your own comfort, security and pleasure your top priority. Don’t invite your spouse to join you in living for a cause bigger than yourselves.
- Keep things serious. Playfulness is for kids.
- If you are angry or upset and your spouse asks if you’re okay, answer by saying, “I’m fine.”
- Watch TV, spend time online and/or bring work home, so that you’ll be able to say you just don’t have time to read your Bible or talk with your spouse.
- Don’t attend church together and under no circumstances should you pray together.
Feel free to add to the list by leaving a comment…
Gregg Stutts - Executive Pastor of The Church at Arkansas in Fayetteville. Husband to Robyn and father to Rachel, Erica, Amy and Rob. On a continuing journey of believing God.
I just read 45 ways to slowly kill a marriage and it brought tears to my eyes because I am in a 3 year relationship possibly heading to marriage and I am thinking to myself I am allowing bad behaviors to be in my life again I am so thankful to you and God for showing me the light.
my daughter is in bulgaria a writes a blog:
http://www.kaypain.blogspot.com
it is christ-driven and great for young people
Thanks for reading, Tracy! I’m glad this post was helpful.
#46: Connive behind your spouse’s back with your parents to prevent inherited property from being jointly held; to make it even better, conspire with them to lie to your spouse when asked about the situation.
Complain as much as possible about your spouse’s parents, siblings, and/or friends.
Avoid counseling at all costs. If unable to avoid going, consider quitting your job so that the cost of counseling becomes an unaffordable expense.
Always remember that when your spouse says you are forgiven, that must mean there are also no consequences for your actions. If your spouse will not let you off the hook, that must mean you have not truly been forgiven, a grudge is being kept.
Never own up to your mistakes and choices that you make. Remember…it’s always something or someone else’s fault.
46. When you go somewhere with your spouse always focus on another person in the room that is better looking than your spouse.
47. Never share your money with your spouse.
48. Always make your spouse feel as though he/she is incapable of driving out-of-town.
48. Make your spouse feel as though nothing they ever do is right.
49. Yell at your spouse in front of your parents.
50. Talk negatively about your spouse (while they are in the room) to your parents.
51. Never compliment your spouse.
52. Throw anger fits.
53. Become a different person(negatively) after you are married.
54. Treat your spouse as though he/she is invisible.
55. Never tell your spouse they are handsome/beautiful.
56. Tell your spouse to get out of your house.
57. Make your spouse feel like his/her health needs are not important.
58. Treat your spouse as though they are your personal slave.
59. Act as though you are one way toward outsiders and something different to your spouse.
#60. Make marriage the end goal and purpose and not the glory of God. [Totally ignore everything in Ephesians 5]
Deprive your spouse of love.
Believe that no one else will ever pay attention to your spouse. Be selfish all the time. Always think your spouse is wrong. Never consider your spouse’s opinion when making a decision.
[...] week, I posted “45 Ways to Slowly Kill Your Marriage.” I had a request for how to strengthen a marriage, so here are my top 10 ways to quickly strengthen [...]
Start playing an online video game or MMORPG.
This is some of the best “advice” I seen in a while, ok maybe ever. I think you addressed some of the core things that people do that erode a marriage/relationship . Even though parts of this of already been addressed in your 45. I would like to add my 2 cents of:
#61 Always play the victim
Thank you for the encouraging comment! I like your #61.
Gregg